Almost Married

Prologue

I can feel my legs are trembling. I can feel my body shaking. Incredibly-incredibly shaking. This is ridiculous. My eyes are about to explode from tears. All i can do is just grip on the bouquette as hard as i can.

Im suppose to be happy. Not terrified like this. This is ridiculous. Gigantically ridiculous. I'm suppose to be dying of happiness. Come on, Vi! You're being disgusting! Come on, move your legs and walk down the aisle and kiss the love of your life and chase your happiness!! COME ON, VI!!!!

Here i am. Wearing a gracefully fabulously beautiful white wedding dress. Holding a bouquette full of pretty flowers. Facing the man who i really am sure is the love of my life. My soulmate. The only man who able to lift me up from the misery i would have in my life. And i'm really sure-being with him will only make me happy. No tears, no sadness.

But... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING RIGHT NOW??!!

I'm freeze-standing in the middle of the aisle. And SHUT UP PEOPLE. I know exactly, i mean, i know what people are thinking or talking right now. 'what's wrong with the bride?' that kind of crappy stuff. Actually, i can't hear anything right now-not a single thing. But I'm sure-100% sure-people are busy talking about me. Wondering what is happening right now.

I can see the confused face of the guy-the charming prince that i'm facing right now. I'm only precisely 5.08 meters away from him. I'm stoned. Wait, is that the right word? I just watched pewdiepie videos in youtube before i went here to cool down myself. He said the 'i'm so stoned' stuffs while playing a weird virtual game where the player becomes a stone or something. That kinda worked. But now, it all gone.

Now, i think, i'd rather be a stone than being a stone-human who froze in the middle of the aisle. And being watched by so many people. In this moment i swear i could die from embarassment.

Once again, i look up and see the love of my life standing in front of me. Looks confused-definitely.

Actually i do know what's in my mind and what's in my heart

I don't want to marry him. At least for now. Not now. This is really impossible for me now. This is insane. I cant marry him. I just want to walk out from this room and let all the people gasped in confusion. And about him.... i don't know. Bitch. Yes, that's the right word to describe me right now. Pathetic bitch. Poor Pathetic Bitch.

"Vi..?" He said with a little loud tone

I want to say, 'I'm sorry i'm gonna come to you right now. I was just, you know, nervous, maybe..?" and quickly run into him and place the wedding ring on his gentle finger which always stroke me everytime i'm having a hard time or when i can't fall asleep. And then, i will kiss him smoothly on this lovely altar that we both has chosen from weeks ago. And we will live happily together.

But instead, all i can say is, "I'm sorry,"

Then, i don't know what moves me. What makes me brave enough to take a turn step-makes me brave enough to turn my body away and run away from that room.

I-I don't know anymore.