Life Goes On

Back at work

Six months have passed since my life was changed forever. The love of my life and father of my unborn child died. Patrick Reid was an extraordinary man and would've been an incredible father to our now six month old daughter Zoe Proudman-Reid.

"Bye Bye little Zoe, I love you" I said dropping Zoe off to mum and heading back to work for the first time in 6 months.

Am I ready for this, can I go back to work, can I leave Zoe.

My mind was racing I wasn't sure I could do this. I always had Patrick there to help me and support me now he was no longer here, how am I meant to go on living life without the person who made life worth living, the only thing that makes life worth living now is Zoe.

I arrived at St . Francis and made my way up to the obstetrics ward to start my first day back.

"Hello Nina, welcome back" Clegg, Kim and Elvis all said greeting me.

"Hello, Thank you" I answered.

"Here's your first patient for the day" Clegg said.

"Thank you Martin" I said walking off to see the first patient.

The first patient was a young couple who were having their first child.

I got through about half the day fine then I suddenly felt empty, I couldn't do this anymore, I'm not good at my job anymore, I miss seeing Patrick.

I went into the locker rooms and stayed there for about half an hour. I thought I could get through today without wanting to break down. It was getting to much. So to help me I imagined Patrick was here.

"Your first day back at work, are you talking it easy, how about we grab takeaway for tea tonight" Patrick said.

I used to watch him walk through that door several times a day, but now he's not here anymore, nothing is the same without him here.

I had one more patient to see before I finished for the day. After I'd finished with the patient, I went to mum's and picked Zoe up and went home.

"Thanks for looking after Zoe Mum" I said.

"That's ok, how was your first day back at work" Mum asked.

"Yeah it was ok" I answered.

"I better get Zoe home, bye mum, thanks again" I said.

"Goodbye" Mum said

When I got home, I put Zoe down and went and got changed. After I got changed there was a knock at the door. I went downstairs to answer it, it was Billie.

"Hey Neens, how are you" Billie asked.

"Honestly Billie, I'm not good, today has been very hard" I answered.

"Oh Neens, come on let's sit down" Billie said walking to the couch holding me.

"I just wish Patrick was here, I need him and he isn't here anymore, I don't know if i can do this anymore, I keep wishing and thinking he is here, but the man I love and the father of our daughter isn't here for us anymore. I just want him here, Billie" I said with tears running down my face, then just break out in tears and billie just grabbing me and holding tight hugging me.

"Oh Neens I'm so sorry, I know you want Patrick to be here, and I would do anything for you to get him back here, because I know how much he loved you and how much he would've loved Zoe and how much he would want to be here for you and Zoe" Billie said still hugging me.

"Billie, thank you for being here, I wouldn't be able to get through any of this without you" I said.

"It's okay Neens" Billie said.

Just after that Zoe started crying.

"It's ok Neens I'll get her" Billie said.

"Thank you Billie" I said.

Billie went upstairs and got Zoe and brought her downstairs to me.

"Here you go Zoe, here's mummy" Billie said handing Zoe to me.

"Hello Zoe, you hungry little one" I said looking into the gorgeous eyes of my daughter, she definitely has Patricks eyes.

"Will you be okay Neens if I leave, I promised Mick we'd go out for tea" Billie asked.

"Yeah I'll be fine, thank you for coming over, have a good night" I said.

After Billie left, Zoe had almost finished feeding, after she had, I layed on the couch with Zoe on my chest. Today has not been the best of days.

"I wish your father was here Zoe, I miss your dad so much, and he was so looking forward to meeting you" I told Zoe, she was to young to take any of this in, but the only way she will know Patrick is through what I tell her and show her.

"When your older Zoe, I will tell you about the extraordinary man your father was, he loved you so much although he never got the chance to meet you, I know he would've done anything for the chance to meet you" I said to Zoe who was smiling and bouncing around on my chest.

There wasn't much worth living for at the moment, but the one thing that definitely makes life worth living is Zoe, she now is the most important thing in my life.