Apart

     What do you want me to do and how the hell do you expect me to feel?

Do you even know how you are making me feel or are you just oblivious to it, like I'm freaking made of steal?

     Do you only see things from your perspective and tell yourself that you are never wrong?

Well, while you are doing that, focusing on being happy and never explaining yourself to anyone, and consuming everything in your dream, I've been drowning in an uncontrollable current of no control of where my life is heading all along.

     And if I'm truly honest with you, it isn't your fault at all.

The fault falls upon me for letting this play out for far too long in my life because it was a stall.

     I could have spook up, could have did more to prevent this, but I was too scared to do so.

As I continued to stay silent in the house I built around my own heart and the wounds I inflicted upon me as a drug to ease the pain I've grown so attached to at my low.

     But now this feeling has grown unbearable to handle as if I were being crushed from the pressure of life and instead of giving it, it's been draining me dry.

I'm so done with this feeling and holding everything in my house I call my heart that I have no more tears to cry.

     And while you continuously focus on your happiness, I won't stop you, for you deserve to be happy too.

But don't get upset when I decide to take control of the direction I want my life to go and start thinking about me with what I want to do.

     I'm not acting this way for simply to be difficult, or in spite of you, or even because I don’t care because I'll always care as long as I live.

It is because I need to focus on myself rather than always put myself last for your happiness or others, as well as, because I've given you my life in hopes that things will improve, but I've given all I could give.

     I don't want to continue down the path that leads me to not being happy in a place I should be happy.

This whole thing is just being stuck in a situation that I let build for too long, which is really crappy.

     I'm not ashamed to say that we have problems in life, but rather ashamed of the obvious fact that we didn't get a chance to deal with them, to take care of them.

And I'm so sorry for this, but we need to stop ignoring them.

     Again, I need to start taking control of my life the way I want to live it because I'm done ignoring my feelings for yours and done having this wall built up around my heart.

Whether you are ready for me to do this or not, I'm going to do this because I need to do this for me, so this house will come falling apart.