The Diary of a Frothing Madman

Chapter 33: Sometimes 33 means 1

"I wonder if anyone else has ever thought of how truly awkward it is to watch a turd swirl down the toilet and know precisely who's rectum it came from?"

In the beginning I was but an ignorant child. I remember being five years old and getting excited when I finally figured out my name was Justin. Hell for the last four years before that I thought they were talking to some other fellow and just ignored them to go about life as a schizophrenic toddler. Yes, I was schizophrenic as a toddler, it was onset at birth. They didn't discover this however until much later in my life. I remember my first big breakdown when I was eight years old. My parents were trying to explain to me that my best friend John wasn't real even though he was standing directly beside me. After that day he disappeared, though I realize now he isn't real I often ponder where that bastard ran off to with my comic books...

At a different point in my youth I developed a fear of germs. After having learned about them in school my wild mind projected them into little monsters I could see all over anything dirty..

I began to bathe excessively..  I broke myself of that habit as an adult. I came to the conclusion that a homeless drug addict needed to survive more than eat clean food and bathe. After making said decision I experienced the first of many dumpster burgers. Where was this dumpster you ask? Behind the McDonald's I was working at.

If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down.

Never forget to carry some kind of disposable cloth or an extra sock.. You never know when you will need some TP for your peepee.

When I was fifteen and a freshman in high school sitting at my expulsion hearing; I remember the principal telling me I would never amount to anything and how I would never finish school. "Well I got news for your shampoo smelling ass!" I told him, "As soon as they let me out of the nut hut for this I'm gonna prove you wrong!"- Six months and two successfully violent escapes from the psychiatric hospital later- That hate mongering bigot got a letter in the mail containing a copy of my high school diploma with my honors and letter from People to People inviting me to go to China as a student ambassador with a post it note stuck to it that read, "Hey man, Fuck you."

I fondly remember the first time I ever killed something. It was a starling that was outside my house making too much noise causing my schizophrenia to feed off of the environment and flare up. Shot the mother fucker out of the tree with my 410 shotgun then pissed on its corpse. I still have the empty shot gun shell from that very day.

In the eighth grade I spent two and a half out of four quarters in detention. Why you ask? Because upon the principal blaming me for the Neo Nazi propaganda painted on the bathroom wall I told him I was innocent. Immediately thereafter I told him to suck a fat dark one then spit on his purple dress shirt and punched him in the throat. When they later asked why I did it I told them, "Because I thought about it." By the way I was a self proclaimed Neo Nazi in my younger days and as a matter of fact. I actually did do it. No I am no longer racist I've come to hate the whole of humanity equally.

<Lassen Sie Sie Hassen Solange Sie Sich Furchten!>

                      -Let them hate so long as they fear!

Ring around the rosey, Pockets full of Posey!

Ashes.

Ashes. 

We all fall down!

Call me crazy and find out what happens! *calls me crazy* 

*breaks down into tears* You weren't supposed to be brave enough to do that! This label fucking hurts!