Dahlia

1

I like to read. I love to read. But sometimes I get distracted. My brain is filled to the brim of every category you could think of. Sometimes I think I am going insane. Sometimes I am insane.

I have read almost three books in the past week. Prior I went to the library with my boyfriend of almost 6 years. Yeah, lol. We have been together since we were 13 years old. Sometimes I wonder what would my life be like without him. What if I hadn't met him? What if we never clicked? Those questions are out the window when I lay my eyes on him. He is seriously beautiful.

Jose is his name. And I think I'm in love with him. I want to be. He's the closest thing I have to a real friend. I'm scared I will break his heart and leave. He loves me. He really does. I am so lucky yet so fucking selfish. I love him too. More than a lot of things. More than me.

7:41pm
Could I really tell him how I felt? How alone I really was no matter how tight he ever hugged me? How I battle myself in my head every day over the simplest things? Idk. I can but what would that mean? What really goes on in his head? Why do I question everything he's ever done for me? Does he love me? This I know. But why am I skeptical? Idk. My whole life is just a big fat IDK. Because I never know. I'm always searching though. I always look for answers. Wherever they may be.

"How are you butt?" Butt. His nickname for me. He has to love me. Right? Does anyone?
"I'm ok." An award winning liar. I am almost never ok. There's almost something if not everything on my mind. What's going on with me? Who am I? IDK.

My day was uneventful and very dramatic. I wont lie. I am a drama queen. I am also an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes idk where to turn or where to go. I just know I wanna go. I know sometimes I don't belong where I am. I feel like an outcast. Nobody gets me. Not even myself.

Sorry for the constant repeat but idk who I am. This, I want you to understand. To grasp. I know my name. I know where I'm from. I know who my parents are but idk who Dahlia is. Why do I feel the way I feel about things? Why do I get so angry? Why am I so shy but outgoing at the same time? How is that even possible? Another idk. Am I annoying yet? That's one thing I am sure of. Yes Daht. Yes you are.