Expression {bxb}

Part 10

Liam PoV

   I'm not gonna lie, I was freaking out. About a lot of things, but mostly about the boy who was sleeping pretty soundly against my chest. I knew there was no way I was gonna fall asleep, now that I actually had time to run through everything and really think about it. Of course I hadn't planned on kissing him, not anytime soon at least, but the way Spencer makes me feel was weird, and new, and I could think of no other way to tell him how I feel. And about what he had shared with me, just the thought that he might value himself any less than what I did, made me wanna grab him and shove it down his throat how much I love him.

   I do love him. I had realized it the moment our lips had crashed and he had started kissing me back and god I knew I was never gonna be able to pull away. I did though, because I didn't want to scare him, which I realize I could very well have done by kissing him to begin with, but apparently I couldn't hold myself back anymore.

    I was mostly freaking out about how it felt. Sure I'd kissed a girl before, but I'd never felt anything. It was just something that had happened that I had decided I hated. And that was the end of that. I had come to terms with the fact that there was something wrong with me, I was asexual, didn't like touching, something. But I'd be damned if I never got to touch the boy laying on me now. I had never been attracted to boys either though, so what was happening was new to me in its entirety.

    I didn't know what I was gonna do. This whole thing terrified me. I had been closed off my whole life, never putting myself in a situation where there was a possibility that I would end up hurt, which was the definition of the exact situation that I was in. The obvious answer would be remove myself from the situation all together. Before I met Spencer, I might've done that, but no way on god was I leaving Spencer now. Which left me completely vulnerable, and terrified.

    I had been lost in thought for quite sometime, and it had eventually reached about three am. At some point while I was thinking, I had began to stroke Spencer's hair absentmindedly, but now he had begun to stir and was whimpering uncomfortably in his sleep. I looked down at him, but before my eyes could even focus on his face, he sat up at the speed of light. Sweat had beaded up on his forehead and his breathing was heavy and quick. He looked quite terrified.

    "Liam." He sounded almost surprised to see me here.

    I grunted as I sat up to mirror his position. "Hey."

    "You're here."

    "I am."

    He stayed there for a few seconds, surprise still evident on his face, before moving to sit in my lap, resting his head against my chest. He didn't have to say anything, I knew what it was. "Nightmare?"

    He nodded against me. I had started tracing circles on his back to help lull him back to sleep.

    I thought he might've fallen back asleep, but after a few minutes he spoke again, "Liam?"

    "Hm?"

    "I love you."

    I stopped tracing circles on his back.

    He pulled away as his eyes filled with fear, "I'm sorry was that t-"

    Before he could second guess himself, I captured his lips in mine, because it's the only thing my brain could think to do. My fingers went to his ear to fondle it's crevices, and he let out a whimper, before I pulled away.

    Apparently my brain had started working again, so I was able to respond, and speak the scariest words I would ever say in my life, "I love you too."

    He pulled away and looked at me with the same expression he had when he had performed at his concert. The one that said he was completely at peace, and we were happy.

~~~

Also short, but that's the end lmao okay thanks - this is the only book I've ever finished in my life (even though it was a short book and also trash lmao-) so :) - also that ~ finish the lyric! ba da da bum bum! "I'm gonna eat your face" I'm terrified! ~ vine keeps replaying in my head cause of this chapter lmao ; okay peace thanks ✌🏼