Beneath the Spotlight. A Destiel Story

Things Left Unsaid

Castiel doesn't say anything to Gabriel on the drive back to the apartment. The radio plays some alternative rock station that Gabriel keeps at a low volume, and Castiel stares out the window, trying to even out his breathing.
How could this happen? He thought he was safe.
They walk up to the apartment building in silence, and Gabriel doesn't ask him until they're safe in the confinements of their home.
"Can we talk about it?"
Castiel drags his feet over to the couch and sits down. Gabriel hasn't even turned the lights on yet so it's still dim inside the living room. He rubs a hand over his face, minding his glasses, and scratches at his stubble along his jaw.
He should really shave.
Gabriel turns the pot lights on to a low setting, and sits down next to his brother. Castiel hardly acknowledges his presence; he sighs and leans back against the couch.
"Cas."
Castiel closes his eyes and can feel his throat tightening as he tries to will away the tears starting to escape.
"I thought I was free," he chokes out.
"You are free," Gabriel assures him. He moves closer to Cas and places a hand on his knee. "Hey. Look at me."
Castiel takes a moment before opening his eyes and turning to face his brother. He doesn't look him in the eye right away, but when he does, he can't hold it for long before he starts crying.
"Cas, please talk to me," Gabriel pleads. "It's time we talk about it."
Castiel wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, sniffling.
Gabriel frowns when Castiel doesn't say anything.
"Cas I-" he stops himself, and then he shrugs, shaking his head. "I don't know what to say, man. All I know is Michael was a grade A douchebag who hurt you, and was supposed to be locked away for a long ass time. And I don't know everything he did to you, but I could see it every time I would look at you. You were breaking. And after that night, you were never the same. You shut yourself out, and it took ages to get in."
Castiel shrugs and looks down at his lap.
"What happened that night?" Gabriel tries again.
Flashes of it cross Cas' mind, and he tries to push them out but they flood inside. He inhales with a shaky breath and plays absentmindedly with the drawstring of his sweatpants. He shudders and bites nervously at the inside of his lip.
"Uhm," is all he can say. He really doesn't want to talk about it, but Gabriel is only going to keep on pressing him for it.
And as if he was on cue, Gabriel speaks.
"Like, come on Cas-you didn't tell me a thing about it. And really, I knew he was a bit pushy but I didn't realize it was bad enough to press charges."
Castiel looks over at him, a shot of anger pulsing through him.
"What?" Gabriel says, defending himself. "That is what happened, right? It was just a...an emotional abuse charge?"
"Emotional abuse charge doesn't even make sense Gabriel!" Castiel shouts, his face contorting.
"Well I don't know what else you'd call it! Why are you getting so angry at me?" Gabriel shouts back.
They sit beside each other with their arms out in offence.
"Well then what the fuck do you think happened?" Castiel asks him, heatedly. "Because I don't think we're on the same page here!" He takes a breath and swallows, dropping his arms into his lap. "It was enough to almost ruin my life, Gabriel. And that goes far beyond just being pushy. Think about it."
Gabriel blinks and slowly puts his arms down.
"I-I don't know. Can't you just tell m-"
"Gabriel he drugged me!" Castiel cries out. "Then I was arrested for public indecency because I didn't know where the fuck I was or what I was doing. Apparently. I don't remember. Is that what you wanted to hear? He fucking drugged me. And I know what you're thinking. Oh how can your boyfriend drug you when you're together? Well it happened and he did it. And it was the worst experience of my entire life."
"I-Cas-"
Gabriel stops talking as Castiel breaks down. He shuts his eyes tight, but tears still escape. He doesn't know how long he cries for, but Gabriel sits there, patiently waiting it out. Occasionally, Castiel feels a hand on his shoulder, or on his knee, and it grounds him only for a moment, and then he's back collapsing into himself. Eventually his sobs turn into quiet cries that fade into deep breaths, and he straightens himself up. He looks at the clock on the wall behind the couch and frowns. When he left Dean's it was almost midnight. Now it's nearly 1 AM and they've hardly scratched the surface.
He doesn't think he'll be sleeping much tonight.
Gabriel adjusts himself on the couch beside him and Castiel looks at him. His eyelids are heavy, his mouth tacky and dry. He's dehydrated and needs sleep. Gabriel stands up and walks over to the kitchen where he gets Castiel a glass of water, obviously reading his mind. Castiel takes it graciously and drinks the whole thing before he speaks.
"I'm sorry."
Gabriel makes a face. "You're sorry?"
"I don't know." Castiel wipes his mouth and nose with his sweater.
"Cas, don't be sorry." Gabriel sits back down beside him. He sighs. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't know about that...and you know, you never talked about it, so Inias and I just kind of vowed to never bring it up until you were ready. But then..."
"Then what?"
"Dean...he just had me worried."
Castiel sniffles. Gabriel continues.
"Look, I knew you were doing things with Michael. The drugs, I...I knew. I mean, to me it was all recreational, so I didn't think much of it. I didn't know that was why you got arrested. But it's why I was a bit wary of Dean. Don't take this as an offence, but you're very impressionable, and I worry about you a lot-"
"You don't need to worry about me," Cas mumbles.
Gabriel snorts. "Yeah, okay. So Michael drugged you, and you ended up getting arrested. Then what happened?"
Castiel rolls the empty glass between his palms.
"Well, he came to the rescue. He bailed me out and went on to tell me that I must have taken something and had a bad trip. I don't remember much. I only found out weeks later that it was Michael that drugged me. He called the cops, then I was arrested, and then he came in like a knight in shining armour to save me from that jail cell. All in the attempts to keep me."
"What do you mean?" Gabriel asks.
Cas sighs. His chest hurts, but he relives the pain.
"I was thinking of leaving him, and I told him how I felt the previous day, and he asked me to wait, that he could change...that he would change for me. I didn't think much of it, so I let it pass. He had these plans to go to this party and I had agreed to go with him a few weeks prior, so I felt obliged. But at the party we started fighting, arguing. I wanted to leave, but he wanted to stay a little longer. Everything after that is a bit fuzzy."
Castiel rubs his forehead.
"I woke up in a cell, no idea where I was-well, I knew it was a jail cell, but I had no idea where and why. I got my phone call, so I called him-"
"Why didn't you call me?" Gabriel interjects.
Castiel shakes his head. "I don't know. I didn't want you thinking I was off the rails or something."
Gabriel frowns.
"Anyways," Castiel goes on. "He came to pick me up, worried as I've ever seen him, saying how he lost me and spent the majority of the time looking for me. He bailed me out and we went back to his place. I was still a little out of it from the drug that was in my system, but he took care of me. I had to pay a fine for my...indecency, and it'd be on my record. But since I wasn't carrying anything, they couldn't do much else."
He's silent for a moment; Gabriel doesn't say anything either.
"Everything after that just felt weird," Cas says after a few breaths. "Michael was getting more and more possessive, every time I needed to be at school later, he'd show up-I'd assume to make sure that I was actually there, and I just felt unsafe."
Gabriel nods. "I remember that. You came home all flustered and said Michael was acting weird. You didn't say much after that."
"Yes. That was around the time I found out about him drugging me."
"How did you find out?"
"I found it."
Gabriel raises his brows.
"You just...found it?"
Castiel nods. He's still holding the glass in his hands. He puts it on the coffee table and sits back into the couch.
"I wasn't looking for it, obviously. But there it was," he pauses. "It took me a minute to realize what I was holding, and when I confronted him about it, he got all flustered. And that's when I knew it was him."
"Jesus Christ, Cas," is all Gabriel can muster up.
Castiel doesn't say anything in return, just purses his lips and nods, an eyebrow raised in a kind of told you it was bad, kind of way. They sit in silence for a few moments and then Gabriel speaks.
"What are you going to do? Now that Michael is out of prison?"
Castiel sighs. "I don't know. After I went to the police, they arrested him for possession and assault, then he was taken into custody. I didn't see him until the trial, where they gave him a three year sentence."
"And he got out in five months on good behaviour," Gabriel shakes his head in distaste. "Fucking hate the system."
Cas ticks his tongue against his teeth nods his head in agreement.
"Anyways, so he's out. I don't think the first thing he's gonna do is come looking for you," Gabriel comments.
"You can't say that. You don't know him like I do. I wouldn't put it past him," Castiel sighs. He rubs his face and looks at the clock. "Fuck, I need to go to bed."
"Yeah, I suppose it's that time." Gabriel stands up and stretches his body. Castiel mimics him and they make their way down towards the hallway, shutting of the lights as they pass.
Castiel shuts his bedroom door and looks around the dark room, noticing the mass of blankets piled on top of his bed where him and Dean left them, forgetting to make it up before they left this morning.
He suddenly thinks of Dean, and how upset he was earlier. Castiel feels guilty for leaving so abruptly, and pulls out his phone to text him. He finds an unread text from him instead.
Dean: I hope everything is okay. (12:32 AM)
Dean: Let me know if you need anything. You can call me if you do. Don't worry if I'm sleeping, I'll wake up. (12:48 AM)
Dean: Goodnight, Cas (1:23 AM)
Castiel looks at the time again and thinks, it isn't much later than his last text. There's a good chance he's still awake.
He teeters back and forth on the idea of calling Dean, or just texting him. He doesn't necessarily need Dean. Not in the way Dean needed him earlier. He decides to reply.
Castiel: Everything is okay, for now. I'm sorry I left so suddenly without much of an explanation. I promise that maybe one day I will tell you, but for now I just need time to figure out what to do. (1:34 AM)
Castiel: I'm still good to meet for brunch tomorrow, if you want. 11:00 AM still good? Let me know when you get this. Again, I'm sorry for leaving. (1:34 AM)
Castiel puts his phone down on his nightstand and plugs it in. He trudges over to the bathroom and winces when he turns the light on. He looks at himself in the mirror and frowns. He looks tired and worn out.
He does shave, though. The feeling of smooth skin beneath his fingers is weird, since he's been getting used to the stubble for the past week or so. He doesn't shower; he's too tired to do anything else but sleep so he walks back into his bedroom, turning off the bathroom light, before crawling into the mound of fabric.
It's soft and still faintly smells of Dean, and it relaxes Castiel to where he's almost asleep. The buzz of his phone wakes him up and he rolls over to grab it, seeing that it's from Dean.
Dean: Glad to hear everything is okay, for the most part. I'm still down for brunch. See you at Aphrodite's? (1:49 AM)
Castiel smiles softly and types out his response.
Castiel: Of course. I will see you then. (1:49 AM)
He puts his phone on Do Not Disturb and sets it back on his nightstand.
Just the thought of seeing Dean again tomorrow is enough to erase his problems and will him into a deep sleep, dreaming of green.