i knew you once | j.jk + c.ty

VII.

( play the video at the top for a better experience . )

yes, i knew you once..

the once flickering light behind the girl's eyes was dimmed and gone. her hands pulled out a familiar hoodie from her closet as she packed the other clothes in the giant cardboard boxes, ready to be sent to taiwan.

the hoodie still smelt of downy fabric softener, like he usually did. oh how she missed him, so much. yet she couldn't just brush off how much pain he had caused her.

she even considered throwing away his belongings; looking at them hurt her too much, but she didn't want to either.

"fuck.." the girl cursed under her breath, tears starting to form, ready to stream down any second. he left her, so easily and too quickly.

startled, she was when she heard the sound of her bedroom door opening. it was her older brother, seokjin. he looked sympathetic once he saw the state she was in, walking up to tzuyu who was already sobbing, "tzuyu, you alright?" she shook her head no, "you're still angry at him, aren't you?"

"he left me. of course i would be angry." tzuyu seethed through her teeth, not even knowing what she was feeling at the moment. was it loathing? fear? sadness? "i hate him."

"you don't mean that." seokjin stated sternly, "i know you didn't. why don't you visit him so both of you can finally be at peace."

the younger wiped her tears away, sniffling. her heart felt heavy, and it had been for a while. "i don't know if i c-can do that."

"tzu," jin started, sitting on the space beside her, "you're leaving the country for a few years. the least you can do is solve all your problems here rather than running away from them. i'm not going to take a side because when he left it hurt me too."

he pulled his younger sister into a hug, not knowing what else to do to comfort her.

she thought about it for a while before nodding quietly, taking a deep breath, "please drive me there, oppa."

step by step; the autumn leaves fell onto her feet, a different colored leaf each time. tzuyu stared into the space in front of her, wondering what she should say.

"jungkook.." it was the first time she had ever said his name in a year. the place was quiet; there was no response. obviously there wouldn't.

"i-i don't know what i'm doing here but.." she laughed bitterly, a single tear already running down her cheek, "i missed you." yet again, there was no response.

"please just give me a sign that you're listening. it doesn't need to be a vocal respond, kook." she was practically begging already, kneeling on the ground.

tzuyu knew talking to him was stupid. really stupid; but she couldn't accept it. she just couldn't accept that he was.. he was..

gone.

"you know.. when your mom called and said you were.. dead.." she paused to remove a piece of stray hair which the wind blew into her mouth, "i- i got upset. upset because.. you didn't tell me you were in the hospital and-"

her own tears cut her off, her eyes focusing on the picture of him beside the gravestone.

JEON JUNGKOOK
1997-2017

"it hurt that i-" tzuyu sniffed, frantically trying to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks, "that i couldn't be with you in your last moments."

"i didn't mean to be so angry at you for no reason. i'm just- ugh." she looked down, knowing that she looked like an insane lady talking to herself, "i've been having mixed feelings about your passing."

biting her lip, she faced his gravestone again, "i'm going to taiwan now. just me. without seokjin oppa or my mom." she chuckled bitterly, recalling the once sweet memories between the two of them, "remember when you said that we'd have children named charlie and george together? or that you'd be a famous photographer and i would be a model?"

then there was a moment of silence. only the brustling of the leaves were heard as the wind picked up, going faster than ever. it was like he was responding to her; yet she knew that thought was stupid. she didn't really believe in ghosts or spirits going back to the earth. she thought it was only a mere coincidence.

"i know you'd want me to move on," she started, "but it's so hard to, kook. it's really difficult.. but i'll try. i'll try so we can both be in peace."

finally, a genuine smile slowly rose up her face in a long time. weight was lifted off her shoulders; her heart felt less heavy. it was going to be hard to stop mourning, but it would've been what he wanted.. and she wanted to at least move on for him.

the girl straightened her posture, glancing at the picture of him smiling, a sight which she missed so much. she took a deep breath before saying,

"jeon jungkook, don't ever forget that i love you."

from the distance, dressed in all white clothing, jungkook's spirit watched over her fondly. she finally decided to move on, and it made him so happy to see her smile again, even if she couldn't see him.

..and it was nice.