The Music of Us.

My Voice

"Shut up, Elira! Stop singing!"

Life was not simple, not even in the brightest days. That was something that I learned when I was young, but it was an idea that we should all be born with.

"Elira, you'll be late if you keep daydreaming," my aunt woke me up from my thoughts.

"If I was daydreaming, I wouldn't be this agitated," I said referring to my breaths. "I think you should already know this by now," I replied bluntly.

I finished gulping my green smoothie, swallowed the pills that Dr. Leo and Dr. Erik gave me, and stood up from the dining table before going to the bathroom and checking-up my make-up.

Every day I applied my make-up on like it was my second skin, like it was part of my facial features, like it was part of me. To hide my skin flaws, my face flaws, whatever I thought was unpleasant. I applied make-up everyday already as a routine, so constantly that sometimes I didn't even think about what I was doing. I didn't even realize that everything was a fraud.

I wasn't implying that make-up itself was a fraud, make-up was the metaphor. The falsity in this case was the smile I wore each day. That smile that I embraced so hardly even though the corners of my lips wanted to carry me with them to the underworld, to the unknown. Even though everything inside me was crumbling, this smile was a mask to let everyone know that I was not weak. Although, what I really wanted was to ask for help. But I simply didn't do it because I didn't want to be saved by anybody. I was waiting to be saved by myself. I was sick of depending on others. But being your own lifesaver in a storm is a complicated matter. I knew this because I was already trying to save myself for more than 5 years.

There are happy smiles, joyful smiles, and pleasant smiles. Then there's my smile. It didn't encourage people to smile either. It was neither a smile that appreciated everyday life. Mine was sarcastic with a touch of annoyance and a pinch of mockery.

"See you at night," my aunt said goodbye while I went to the front door. I didn't open my mouth, why waste my breath on someone who already had given up on me.

The sub was full, there was barely space for one more soul, but I was already late so I had to put up with the sweat of unknown people. Usually, I wouldn't be so stressed about the time, but Demo had bet a lot of money that I was unable to be on time the whole year and without any absence. Aunt Zalia supported me financially in anything I needed, but behind her back, I was saving money to escape.

I arrived seconds before the bell rang. All the sweat from the sub and from running made a mess of my make-up that I effortlessly applied but adored. Stupid Demo, I thought. But I couldn't be angry at him when I saw him standing all cheerful, with his big brown eyes, waiting for me at the class's door.

"I'm happy that you're taking the bet seriously," he smiled, ruffling his black hair and not a sweat in his olive skin.

"I'm just doing it because the new album of Anonymous Lotus just came out and they are giving a concert in London. I have to go, I need to, it's a matter of life and death."

"I know."

While we waited for our History teacher, we drowned ourselves in a conversation about what we loved the most; music. Demo and I were huge fans of Anonymous Lotus, an indie rock band from Louisiana. We were also members of one of the music clubs in the school, the only members. We wanted to form a new music club and, being Demo the favorite student of the school, they allowed us to make it official.

Demo played the guitar like the angels played the harp. Every time I heard him play it was a trip to a whole new world, to another universe.

I created stories for each song Demo sent me at late night hours.