I was online watching videos and posting up new stories on my favorite site . It was my usual. My grandma had just left after talking to my mom about the curtain she was working on. The moment she left, Mom scolded me about being on the computer so often and how it was affecting my grades.
“Eun-young, your test scores came in today,” she said.
“Really?!” I jumped up at ran over to her. I excitedly pulled the paper out of her hands and looked it over. The previous year I had gotten advanced in both Math and English, so I was anticipating the same thing this year. Sadly, I had advanced in English, but not Math. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach like I didn’t accomplish an important mission or something. “This is not acceptable,” I said half-seriously. “I can’t have advanced in one and proficient in the other; it’s just not natural!”
“Well maybe you should spend less time on the computer and more studying math,” she commented.
You see, I had recently been more depressed than ever. The one thing that always cheered me up and gave me hope was U-KISS’s song “Some Day.” Oh, and my amazing boyfriend No Minwoo. But when my mom said those words to me, I felt extremely offended for some reason. It was as if I had finally become an outcast and nobody liked me, like I didn’t matter in the world, and like I didn’t have any right to invade in anybody’s life. It… hurt.
I stood in front of her for five seconds, then walked back over to the computer. I turned AFF off, along with YouTube, and hid out in my room for the next hour or so. It was my plan to cheer up or forget what she said. I really didn’t know why it made me feel so bad. Was it the fact that no one could see what I was going through and believe my smile? Was it because I kept smiling and telling myself that nothing was wrong, but everything was? Or perhaps I needed somebody to tell me everything I wanted to hear without lying?
I started crying out of nowhere. I pulled a pencil and paper out of my dresser drawer to draw out my feelings. I drew a heart with a knife through it, a head with an ax stuck in it, a few broken hearts. I personally liked them, since they reflected the way I felt. I had a sudden feeling of need and want—a need and want of Minwoo. So I decided to call him up.
“Eun-young?”
“Oppa~” I whined into the phone. “Can I come over for a while?” I sniffled.
“Eun-youngie, what’s wrong? Are you okay, baby?”
“No, my mom yelled at me, and I don’t know what’s wrong, but I just wish I could disappear. Please, can I come over for a while?”
“Of course you can babe. Do you want me to pick you up?”
“No, I can walk. See you there. Bye.” I sniffled and put my phone in my pocket. I knew I wouldn’t escape so easily because my mom was always watching out for me. I was always one to escape to Minwoo’s whenever I needed something to do or needed help with homework. I always did it without her permission. If I asked her, she’d say I couldn’t go, and I really wanted to, so I never asked; simple as that.
I made sure to not make any sound while going towards the front door. It was before the living room (where my mom was), so I was in luck. I silently unlocked it as best as I heard. The click of the top lock forced me to freeze in my steps. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for her to come barging towards me, yelling and screaming at me for the thousandth time that month. Surprisingly, nothing happened. I would’ve investigated but I didn’t want to miss my chance to see Minwoo when I needed him most.
