Walking into this building is the last thing off my to-do list. I never thought that I'd ever come back here again after that day. I did not expect this building to look just as how it was in the past. The scent, the scenery, the atmosphere; it's all still the same. It's been so long, it's been 6 years. 6 years since you're gone. Who knew... if only I knew, if only...
Remember? This used to be our hideout. Where we did everything. Where we went when we felt like the world had turned their back against us. Our place where nobody knew. Our place. Well, maybe for the rest of the people who see this building will just think it's an abandoned piece of garbage in the middle of nowhere. But to us, it was everything. To us, it was our euphoria; it was our cloud nine; it was our heaven. It was...
I remember the first day I met you, we met here. This old building where nobody would even step in because people think it might be haunted or even a cursed place. But it was the only place where I found comfort and peace. I was sitting in a corner, sobbing, thinking I was all alone until you showed up. I even tried to attack you back then because I thought you were a kidnapper. But the look in your eyes, somehow just one look, it told me that everything's going to be okay, it gave me relief and comfort. You, felt like home.
You asked me, "What's wrong?" I sniffled and tried my best to tell you what was wrong even though we just met. Isn't it odd? We were complete strangers but I chose to trust you because my instinct told me to. You didn't know me, but you nodded along as if you understood what I'm going through like nobody else. It made me feel like I've finally found my home.
I had a family, you had nobody. Still, I felt like I had nobody even with a family at "home". I never felt welcomed, at "home" or even school. Nobody approached me, I tried approaching them but they always end up running away. That's when I found out I was better off alone. You were the same; your family left you, no friends, nothing. But you managed to punch through everything that was thrown to you. I admired your strength to do that.
I never knew your name even after meeting up with you after that one time. We always enjoyed each other's company so much that we forgot to ask each other about our personal information; our name nor age. That's how much we enjoyed each other's company. We laughed, cried, mourned for each other's pain, comforted each other, fought over the stupidest little things and made up after 20 seconds because silent tension between both of us was unbearable. You were perfect. Never had I ever met somebody like you. You changed me. You made me think life was actually worth living for once.
But one day, everything changed. You changed. You stopped showing up. Even if you did, you never said a word. The silence that filled the air was comfortable yet so eerie. You acted like everything was fine, but from your eyes, I could tell things were slowly crumpling. The way you acted was so faltered. Your smile never reached your eyes. Even when the sun is shining, your eyes always seem to tell me you were in pain and you needed help.
You stopped showing up after 6 years of us meeting up in this big old abandoned building every single day. I convinced myself that you probably had your own reasons to leave, I tried to understand. but no matter how hard I tried, my heart still holds onto that small rock. It never left. In fact, it grew bigger overtime. I questioned myself if it was my fault, if I had done something wrong to make you leave; if you had found someone better than me and someone who loves you more than I do; if you hated me. The thoughts slowly killed me inside as my heart shattered piece by piece. I could feel my heart hurting and breaking for you. Was it agony I was feeling?
I kept on visiting that building even after you left, I went on for 2 years, hoping you might show up one day. But one day your brother appeared in our place and that, was when I found out you were actually really gone. Gone from this universe. You didn't find someone else, you were scared. Scared that you might hurt me. You had schizophrenia. It made you take your own life. You killed yourself.
I remember that day clearly when your brother came to our place and waited for me. I remember his words clearly.
"He loved you a lot. Thank you for taking care of him when all of us didn't. I'm sorry." he said.
I balled my fist in anger, I immediately attacked him with punches but he easily grabbed me. I punched his chest repetitively with all my strength until i burst out of tears, still punching him. "Did you know...? How much pain he was in...? How dejected he felt? Did you realise how much all of you had hurt him?! The guilt you're feeling right now isn't going to bring him back to life!!" I screamed in anger and grieve as the hot tears streamed down my face.
He closed his eyes, showing that he was feeling empathy for me. It added more oil to my fire. But I distanced myself from him. Until he took something out from his pocket; an envelope. The top of the envelope was covered in drawings of flowers. Myosotis- forget me not. It's my favourite flower. We used to talk about it and say that we'll never forget about each other. The "forget me not"s, represents the bond between us. In between the drawings, the words "to Emma" was written in the middle. It was your handwriting.
My mouth gaped open at the sight of the letter and I slowly walked over to your brother to grab the letter out of your hands. I was shaking uncontrollably. I grabbed the letter and opened it. It was really from you, it was your handwriting. The tears couldn't stop, it just went on and on as I read the letter:Dear Emma,
I really didn't want to leave. But I had to, I knew I would eventually one day. I'm sorry I left you like that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything before leaving, I'm sorry. I did not want to hurt you. I can feel the inner demons taking over me. I'm not me anymore. I hear voices, I hear them everywhere. I don't know if I'm in reality or it's just fantasy. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I broke your heart. This is goodbye. I love you.I'm sorry for loving you.
Love,
Cole.Everything in me went numb. That letter made me numb. I couldn't cry, I felt nothing since then. I haven't stepped into this building since that day. It's been 4 years since that happened. Since I last felt anything, since I last felt what so called "feelings".
I gripped tightly onto the can of gasoline I brought along with me. Hesitating before pouring it everywhere. I fiddled with the matchbox in my hand and questioned myself. Should I really do this? What's the point of living anyway without you here? Everyone has turned against me, I have nowhere to go. Nowhere to call a home anymore. You were my home.
I lit the match and threw it onto the gasoline-filled ground. I stared at the building as the fire slowly engulfs the building, making it look like the gates to hell. I smile for once since that day, the tears flowed down uncontrollably one last time. I'm finally going to see you again.
The fire slowly crept onto me, my body was on fire but I couldn't feel anything. I could feel my life slowly getting sucked out of my body. The smile on my face remained intact. Ambivalently, I looked back, and saw that the building was slowly turning into a heap of rubble and everything turned black.----------------------------------
Hey guys, I hope this didn't give you all a shock and I'm sorry for those who think it's a part of Bullied. But I really want to try in something new. Please do let me know your opinions about it!
Thank you all for 8k votes (nearly 9k) and all the continuous support! I love all of you! ♥️
Sincerely,
J. xoxo
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Bullied [Kim Taehyung / V fanfic]
FanfictionA girl who lost her childhood friend. Totally shocked in words, her childhood friend turned into one of her greatest bully that she's ever encountered. But little does she know, the reason behind all of these isn't what she had expected. #8 - ff [06...