TORN

TWELVE

TATIYANA

Me and Desmond was laid up in the bed just cuddling and watching tv. I traced his tattoos that he had on his chest and exhaled; this really relaxed me. Being in his arms and up under him was always relaxing and I truly missed him.

"Des." I say out loud as I continued to trace his tattoos.

"Hm?" He mumbles.

"I wanna ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest with me."

He sits up some. "Aight."

I sit up as well and take a deep breath. "If I would of kept our baby, would you have been mad?" I asked quietly. I just wanted to get some type of closure with our baby situation because it was eating me alive.

He sighs. "You want the honest truth?" He asks and licks his lips.

I nod my head slowly.

"When you told me that you was pregnant, I was happy and scared at the same time." He chcukles and shakes his head. "I was happy cause I do want a mini me runnin around and shit, but I was scared cause I know I wasnt ready to be no father. I aint never had a father in my life, so shit I didnt wanna bring a baby in this world when I'on know shit bout babies. But to answer your question, no I wouldnt have been mad, I would have felt some typa way but I would have eventually gotten over it."

I nod my head slowly and sadness took over me. "Thanks Des for bein honest about it. I'm just tryna figure out how to not feel so sad and a little guilty about the situation. I was also scared and slightly happy about it, but even though terminating the pregnancy was probably not the best decision, it kinda was the best decision, if you get what I'm sayin." I fiddled with my hands.

I was seven weeks when I got rid of the baby and I went into real depression mode then; sometimes I still do. Going through with the decision was both good and bad for us. It was good because me and Desmond both had too many things goinng on in our lives and plus we were not ready for a baby mentally, or emotionally. It was bad because of course babies are blessings and we should have been more careful and take responsibility for our actions.

"We got plenty of time bae to have kids and shit, I dont want you to continue to be down bout it." He pulls me into him so my back was on his front. "Plus I plan to spend the rest of my life wit you, so we got all the time in the world to have plenty of ashy babies." He smirks down at me making me smile.

"The rest of your life?" I asked shockingly.

"Yeah you gon be Mrs. Williams one day when we both ready." He kissed the side of my face and I blushed.

"I like the sound of that." I smiled and he laid his lips on mine.

We went for a round two before we finally got up and got cleaned up. We showered separately because if we did together then that would only delay us.

After I got done showering Desmond was already done and dressed. "Yo ass always take forever." He smiled at me as I came in the room with just the towel around me and my hair dripping a little but from the water.

"I wanted to wash my hair too." I say and drop my towel.

His eyes never left me and I just smirked as I grabbed my matching bra and panty set from Vicky Secret that was a plum color. He grabbed my wrsit gently and pulled me on his lap.

"Why you teasin? You wanna continue to make us late?" He days huskily in my ear and grabbed both of my breast and gently squeezed making a soft moan slip from my mouth. I was becoming wet downtown and I could feel him growing under my butt as I sat on his lap.