A quiet place

1~ Regan

It was my fault. I know it was! If I didn't give him that stupid, noisy toy rocket, maybe he would be alive right now!

My whole, entire family acts like nothing ever happened, like Beau never even existed. But deep down I feel like they're all blaming me, especially dad.

Marcus? Not so much, but he's an innocent sweetheart, and to be honest, it's really rare for him to blame someone for something. He always has little conversations in sign with me (obviously), trying to convince me that I didn't do anything wrong, that I was just being a good big sister, that there was nothing we could've done to save Beau. It makes me feel bad, because I'm supposed to be the older sibling! He wastes so much time giving me emotional support, that he doesn't get any for himself. I'm pretty sure that I'm supposed to protect him, but I don't.

That makes me a bad sister. I clearly already know that, and as much as I care I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I know that sounds awful but I really can't be bothered. I'm the worst! What I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to support someone, so I don't want to get stressed out trying. I sound really selfish right now, because I am. I'm selfish and a brat, oh and did I tell you I got my little brother killed?

It doesn't matter anyway. Marcus can look after himself, he doesn't need anyone's help or emotional support.
Or maybe I just don't know him at all.