The Kingship

Chapter 4

I took my mother's death very hard. It was the only time in my life that I felt most like my father. Moody all the time. Ready to yell and kick and scream at the drop of a hat. I sulked around the palace. I found absolutely no joy in the every day anymore. It felt like the sun was mocking me most days. Mothe was the only one that made my life bearable. Now all I had was my father and brother and they were no good. Father took no more notice of Mother's death than he would of a scullery maid killing a mouse. Nociv also seemed to have no change in attitude at all. Even though I noticed that he spent more time in his room than he usually did, I failed to notice that he seemed to walk straighter and hold himself higher and more victorious-like than normal. If I actually thought anything of it, I just assumed that he was grieving for Mother in his own way.

It was a terrible time. More than once, I went into the dining room expecting to find my mother sitting in her normal place. Or I would go looking for her on her balcony to see what she was reading a book so I could read it next, only to remember that my mother was dead. On one such day I did exactly that and when I remembered what had happened, I felt an outburst coming. Yet being a proud prince, I couldn't let anyone see me cry. I closed the door to the balcony softly, and then wept like I was the last person left in all the world.

"Why, mother, why?" I thought to myself as I cried. "You and I were an army all our own. I was the reason you fought for life in the first place. You were the reason why I have turned out not to be a man like my father and brother. Do you know what your death has done to me? How do I know if there even is a prophesy? For all I know, you lied about the whole thing. It's all mixed up in those silly stories of other worlds. Mother, when you left, it was as if something inside of me had been ripped out! Do you realize that I can never go on with life the same way again?"

"And yet life goes on, does it not, Llama?"

I jerked upward at the voice, ashamed to be found crying but thankful that the person who had spoken was only Caleb, my personal guardian.

"Do you know..."

"I know all too well the grief you are experiencing with your mother's death. Why is it that, in addition to feelings your sadness, I feel anger and hate inside of you that you seem to be directing at your mother? You, who loved her more dearly than anything else in this palace."

"She left me!"

"She died."

"It is the same as leaving me!"

"Is it?"

"Yes!"

"Do you have plans to die this afternoon?"

I stopped short. The question caught me so off-guard that I didn't answer him right away. When I did I only said, "No."

"Many others do not. Those that do have forgotten what hope feels like. Your mother taught you to firmly place your hope in a better future, which is why she would share stories of other worlds with you. Would you remain angry at her for making a decision that was not her own?"

I was quiet again.

"Death is merely a part of life. But here is something that you must know, Llama. With every end comes a new beginning."

"Beginning? Bah! Caleb, life as I know it has ceased."

"And with it has come another life, a life that you can make your own by building it on the life you once knew. Remember that you are to be a king and your mother gave you the tools to become a good king - a king so much different than your father. The question is: will you?"