Inksmiths: Book One

Chapter 5: Trust

    I went rigid, sucking in a gulp of air as if it was the last I would ever take. Slaughter? That hadn't been one of the terms of becoming an Inksmith. Of course "war" implied "loss", but I had been assuming up to this point that Noel and the other senior Inksmiths were enough to protect us if something were to go wrong. The seriousness of Noel's tone implied for the first time that that was not the case.

How likely was it I could die by doing this? The chances were beginning to grow--I felt my heart rate quicken and my breathing grow more hitched.

Noel observed me for a moment before looking up at the Behemoth statue. "...These are Arjit's foot soldiers. They're her first line of attack to break down the seal, invade Alavan, and take over the throne for herself. Behemoths cannot use magic, but they are incredibly strong and quick creatures and they do not go down easily. If given the chance, they will tear you apart. Our job is to not give them that chance."

They will. Will, as if it's a guarantee.

I felt sick all of a sudden--cramming a hand over my mouth, I swallowed back a surge of bile, desperately trying to avoid looking at the Behemoth by focusing on Noel. Noel glanced at me, pity overtaking his expression. He sighed, turning to face me more fully.

"...I've mentioned having many apprentices," he murmured. "Draco said many have quit on me. This is why. ...Lauriel, you can and very well might die in this war."

Hearing it outright said increased the pit in my stomach tenfold--I held my other hand over my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut.

Die. I can die by being an Inksmith. I can actually die from this. Is it worth it?

This thought was immediately followed by another: Don't my parents believe I won't die? ...Why?

"Lauriel." Noel's voice was stern, but gentle--I felt him take my hands away from my mouth and had to fight not to yank them back. "...No one will blame you if you leave right now."

I felt like I couldn't breathe--up to this point, being an Inksmith had felt like a dream job, like something I could do for a couple of years until the war was over and then return to my parents.

But now? Now, I realized for the first time the weight of the word "war" and the stakes we were facing by continuing to fight these impossibly powerful enemies. Desperate, I cast a pleading glance to Noel.

Help me. I'm scared. What am I supposed to do? I was too choked to say it out loud. Hiccuping, I felt tears well in my eyes and didn't bother wiping them away.

Sensing my distress, Noel pulled me into a strong hug--immensely grateful just to know he was around, I clung to him, trying to remind myself that Noel would protect me from these Behemoths and witches. He was my mentor, after all. Wasn't that his job?

But what would happen if he could no longer keep me safe? He couldn't protect me forever. If I was going to be an Inksmith, I had to be strong enough. Not for the first time, I questioned if I was.

...No. Lauriel, please...your parents believe in you and you said you trust them, a voice said in the back of my mind. You have to trust them. You have to trust Noel. Nothing will change if you don't make it change. If you're not strong enough now, stay and study or you never will be.

"You didn't know what you were up against," Noel said softly, warmth clear in his tone. "No one ever does. Once they hear the truth, most apprentices quit on the first day. It's normal to be afraid. No one will blame you if you go home today."