Hued and vibrant flashes, a sea of limbs, faces out of focus, all faded to a muffled blur.
I shot upright in my bed at the deafening pounding on the door.
"Come on out sweety," a woman spoke sharply, "your aunt Abbie is here."
Mom's tone was filled with delight, yet shrill.
I grabbed my head as my brain tried to leap out of my skull. Everything ached and I felt unusually weak as I turned to rest my feet on the cold wood floor. My toes recoiled slightly at the bare surface.
The monster of a girl staring at me was unsettling, enough to make me crawl out of my skin. Her hair was a tangled web of lies, lust hung like bags under her eyes, her displaced shirt sagged as low as her dignity, and her denim shorts screamed "whore". That girl was me.
The mirror is by far the most unkind, yet honest object there ever was in existence and in the moment I dreaded it.
My body shivered at the deathly figure, the brittleness in me revealing itself in frequent tremors.
Nausea crept up my throat forcing me to lunge for the can beside my bed, courtesy of last night's feeble judgement.
I mustered the strength to lift my head above my shoulders and in the process, caught an ear-full of the conversation from behind the door.
"Seems to me like she's holding up just fine," the first voice said, "especially considering she never had her father around growing up."
"She's so strong too. A mother could never be more proud."
Guilt tore through my chest.
I stood up and got dressed as though the clean change of clothes would somehow cover up the mess I genuinely was.
A loud pinging noise leapt from my phone alerting me of a text. I flicked my finger across the screen to see one new message. Typically I'd cherish such a thing from this individual, but seeing the message just left me feeling even more ashamed than I was before. The text consisted of a brief string of perverted emojis from the boy I used to refer to as, "my crush."
All I wanted was to be noticed... to be loved by him, but boys don't notice the good girl, the A-student, the nerd, the obedient child, the teacher's pet. Every boy wants a rebel to be his bitch, a girl with a little fire in her. I let that fire consume me until there was nothing left.
Last night taught me that love is a lie and lust is the only net in which one can hope to entice happiness... but only for a moment.
I lobbed my phone on the bed and tried to stomach the churning remnant of alcohol in my system, however, my attempts failed. I collapsed to the floor and proceeded to choke.
Moments later, two figures rushed into the room standing over me with looks of concern. I didn't deserve such compassion.
How difficult it is to break the news that once such a sweet, innocent girl is no longer.
"Help" was the only word uttered from the corpse of a child... a girl who'd once been untouched by the corruption of the world, now murdered by it.
