Black Fingernails and Silence [ON HOLD]

Chapter One

The booklet was thick, stapled harshly, and seemed to have grime encasing itself, rather than a dust cover. At first I sighed. This was going to be a long read. It looked like a student went over-board with the essay..it had to be what? Fifty to seventy pages? It had a cover of cardboard-like material with big black letters stating the title and author. It was five past midnight, my wife was long asleep next to me, and I was on my last paper of the entire Freshmen class. Sipping my coffee, lukewarm and bitter, I closed my laptop. This was going to take awhile to grade and comment on, that's for sure.

Rubbing sleepiness out of my eyes, I took one last glance at the title and was intrigued. That's a good sign, right? That this will be like a good story to read before heading off to bed?

How I was wrong! So terribly wrong..

Black Fingernails and Silence.

By Lillian Grace Anderson

I sit in this classroom, alone. A quote has come to mind, suddenly: "I'm never more alone than in a crowd of people." I'm chuckling in my head now because until now, that saying has never rang as true as it does. I have so much to say and so little time to say it. But I will in due time, I promise.

As I hold this pencil in my shaking hand, I must apologize, Mr. Philips, because I'm not going to write what is required of the class. If that ticks you off, then fine! You can fail me and enforce summer tutoring. Hell, you don't even have to read it! [I will, Lillian. I will read this! Whatever this is, I will read this!] But if you do, I thank you and I surely hope that you come quickly. [What?! It's been weeks since you wrote this! How could I help you?] Because by the time you read it, sir, it may just be too late.. [Oh no..I put my head is in my hands. Oh no, oh no no no!]

[I must read on, though! So I peek through my fingers and wipe the sweat that dewed on my brow. When had I started to sweat??] Actually, scratch that. It WILL be too late.

Mr. Philips, this is my good bye.[I can almost hear her sigh like she couldn't care less, when she must've. Right?] I'm sure you're wondering why I chose you, of all people, to read this.[My God! Why DID she choose me? I'm just her English Teacher!] And as I said before, answers will come in due course. If you wish to continue reading this, that is.

I am going to tell you my story and hope that you feel understanding rather than the sympathy that most would've felt...had I told them. [But I can't help it, Lillian.. If this is your good bye, then one could only feel sympathy. Nevertheless, I shall try my damnedest to understand the turmoil you were going through..]

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That's all for now, folks! This story is pretty challenging to understand, not to mention write! But I will do my best to explain(: Black Fingernails and Silence is the title of the essay Mr. Philips is reading. When he reacts to it, he will sometimes address Lillian Anderson himself, even though it's too late, and he realizes that. His reactions, which I'm sure you've caught on, are in "[...]" The reading of the essay is continued in chapters for space. Mr. Philips reads it in one continued reading without stopping.

This story is a work of fiction, but the feelings are real in most teenagers. This is my way of spreading awareness for suicide in young adults. Thanks for reading! I hope this story at least caught your eye!

Vote-comment-fan and spread awareness!

-WriterMarie23