Chasing Pavements

The Breaking Point

"I have literally had the worst week. It is only Sunday but I feel as though it has been months."

He looks at me with confusion on his face, eyebrows raised. I can understand, he hasn't seen me since last Sunday, when I was introduced to his new 'crush'.

"I have been through hell and back. I have been arrested for public indecency, spent 12 hours in a holding cell. I was involved in a cafe robbery and had to fight my way with a fucking far of syrup and a butter knife... I watched two girls, who have been dancing around their feelings for the last three years, get together out of the fear of their parents. And so much more shit. And you know what I realized?"

I stare him down as I walk closer to him.

"No Hera, what did you realize?"

"That I refuse to sit on my ass a minute longer!"

He looks startled at the increase of my tone, eyes widening.

"What do you mean?"

 "I mean I refuse to listen to you talk about a bunch of hoes and watch as you break your heart over and over. One thing I learned when you were gone this past week was that people change."

He takes a couple steps back as I continue walking towards him.

"I held my feelings back based solely on the thought that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But guess what? We are graduating soon and it is stupid for me to think that we are going to stay the same. That we will be friends for the rest of our lives. Odds are you are going to fall for yet another complicated girl that hates me and this time you will probably throw me away."

He opens his mouth to either tell me to stop or protest my last sentence but I refuse to let him interrupt me. Not this time.

"No. You are going to listen."

His mouth shuts and I take a step back from my previous spot right in front of him.

"I am in love with you. Or at least as close to love as a seventeen year old girl can get to. Since I helped you on the playground back in first grade I knew that we were going to be great friends. My feeling changed though when we went through puberty though. I noticed you were taller, you were filling out,you voice got deeper, but you were still the same nerdy kid I knew who liked to read comic books and play video games. I knew I liked you freshman year, it has been almost four years since I understood my feelings, four years of hiding and helping you with dates. Do you understand what I went through? Do you?"

I had tears falling by the time I was questioning him, I was laughing because, in a sense, it was funny. It took me only one week to realize I could not go on the same way I have been since I was 13.

"I have kept my mouth sealed and was there only when you needed me. I now know that this is unhealthy on my part. Our friendship does mean a lot to me, do not get me wrong, but I want something more. So much it is starting to hurt."

He reaches forward like he wants to wipe the steady flow of tears off my face, but I flinch back and he looks hurt for a second. I ignore him in order to finish what I started.

"I had my first kiss this week, finally. After all the hoping and longing that it would be you, I finally had my first kiss. I met this guy, which I thought I could really like, but there you were in the back of my mind. Keeping me from ever really going after him. But then I thought, it was you. It was you that washolding me back without really knowing you were holding me back."

I uncross my arms and take a couple more steps back, throwing them up in exaggeration.

"That. That is what this is about. Life is so short and the only way that I can get over you was if I told you. The only way to move on with my life was to let you know what exactly you mean to me. I know this is the last thing you probably want to hear for me but it's the truth. 'Bash, I am sorry."

With my last sentence, I make my way to the door leading to the living room, were I know both our families are located. I prepare myself for the looks of pity and disbelief as soon as I walk in.

My mom is looking at me with a look of concern, the most emotion I have gotten out of her in a long time, my dad finally looks at me, acknowledging my presence. His parents look at me in awe, like they were waiting for me to break one day, and they probably were.

Before anyone had a chance to say something, the door I just left from slammed open, Sebastian rushing from it. His eyes search the room franticly before focusing on me. I watch as he takes a huge breathe and makes his way towards me, a look of determination in his eyes.