Brian's Heart

Chapter 8

Amaya

Should I care if he doesn't answer my calls.

I shouldn't after the stunt he pulled with Greg yet again.

Kissing him first was a mistake, I didn't mean to do it. He was just there, and I was in the heat of the moment.

Brian is my best friend I can't feel that way about him. How cliché is it for us to become more than friends.

Once upon a time I wondered what could have been with me and Brian. It crossed my mind half of my thirteenth year, but he got older and dated more girls, girls who were nothing like me.

He likes them preppy, silent, all American beauty pageant kind.

Not someone like me and I've accepted that years ago.

Those years of watching him chase after girls broke my heart but when I noticed Greg, he intrigued me. He changed my perspective on everything, he wasnt afraid to be himself no matter what the setting was.

Being around him in general brings a smile to my face. I dont have to be ruse and grungy all the time I can just simply exist.

He doesn't get jealous or moody.

He's awesome, kindhearted and smart. All the things I found myself liking so, why do I feel as if I lost the other half of me when Brian left?

It irritates me how much he can consume my mind. All he's worried about is me being with a 'nerd, but I like Greg it was never a joke with him. With him I want to be better but with Brian... he brings out the rebel in me. I refuse to be another one of his bimbos flocking to his every movement. I wasnt that type of girl.

Where did I go wrong?

Brian

Message: Brian, look about last night....

Message: Brian, I'm sorry if that's what you want to hear okay? Answer and we can....

Message: Brian, are you ignoring me? Seriously we need to be young adults about this instead of acting as....

Message: You know what fine! I don't care sulk inside of your bedroom see if I care when you finally start to realize you're losing your best friend over bullshit!

The messages continued and I read through them all thinking of the what ifs but in the end, I knew I'd be hurt. She chose Greg and as much as I can't help that I would never accept it. It's better if our friendship broke apart now rather than later.

What did I do wrong?

I protected her. I made sure no one and I mean no one bothered her. I made sure that my appearance was always to her liking. I allowed her to be herself around me.

I never judged anything she did, only praised how adorable she was, and it still wasn't enough!

I'm not enough for her to see the future with.

I want to be enough. The only thing that could fix my broken heart is Amaya.

It's hers and it'll always remain that way whether I liked it or not, she stole it when she sat on that swing and her black hair bounced while the smile on her face was the most beautiful, I had ever seen.

My little heart couldn't take how much I felt for her at such a young age, but I managed to get her to at least talk to me then.

Now isn't the same. I'm not the same.

I want her but I'm afraid that I look like completely crazed person to her.

She did say I was a psycho and right now Im feeling as if I have nothing else to lose.