Empty Spaces

Furtherance

Looking back at what I'd done with my high school career, there's something of a dissapointment that I haven't felt before. Going into Daybrooke High, I heard plenty of remarks from people saying that I shouldn't waste a moment and to be involved in as much as possible. Me being the stubborn asshole I am, I ignored them completely and actually became reclusive through my tenure in the school. I had played football freshman year, and loved it, yet an injury to my had created an issue that stretched beyond sports, and it was my decision to not play again. As for other sports, I've never really taken interest in them, aside from basketball. I love basketball, I do, but in this particular area of the country, it's hard for a skinny white boy to enjoy a sport when the predominant culture takes it so seriously. Afraid of not being good enough, I stopped playing in middle school, and what little skill I had in the activity faded away. Now here I am, looking at my legacy. Or the lack thereof.

Walking past the trophies on display in the main lobby always provokes my ponderment. Seeing all the things that our school has done, the wonders that teenagers accomplished on their own merits, it's inspiring. Although I may not be the world class athlete or the worlds greatest debater, I believe that my talents lie in a different field. A field that many people tend to overlook and flat out ignore: compassion. Leave it to the mormonism to plant the seed of selflessness in the boy without any real virtues. Mom never punished me for making selfish decisions, she only rewarded me for making kind ones. For that, I'm gratefull. What I'm not grateful for, is the damage that it's done to me. The affliction I've grown for others that has gone unrequited and unanswered. The universe once had someone that was more selfless than me, and his name was Hayden.

In a slow pace, i turned and walked down the hallway. Alongside me were a couple dozen Native Americans. Behind them, a couple of hicks. Just like always. In this school, the main demographic of students were native american, and the white boys were a dime a piece. Being in Daybrooke teaches you one of two things: one, racism is stupid; two, it's your race against the world. I'm sure it's like this everywhere, but being in this town really feels like there is no middle ground. Even the purest kids feel obliged to make a racist joke or two every now and then. Especially the Mormons. A young mormon boy is more than likely the most racist bastards there is. I wish I could describe it, but there's just something about being in an elitist mindset that manifests these feelings. I've always been in a neutral position regarding my feelings towards another race, in part because I had been raised with a number of friends who were not the same color as I. Now, everyone cracks jokes at this thing that just 20 years ago was a travesty. Hell, it's still a problem. Two major conflicts regarding the death of a young African American boy have passed in the south in the last three years, each of them sending major repurcussions across the nation. The animosity still lives on, but yet we can still make jokes about Negroes or Rezzies. It never dies. It just surges in and out of attention.

While I was having my soliloquioy, I had walked upstairs to my first hour. English 101, a college credit class. It had never crossed my mind that this was my first real step into the world outside of the average high school class. Standing just inside the doorway, I looked around to examine the new space where my morning thoughts would reverbirate and richocet. The same old classroom. Shocker.

"Hey man."

Sternly grabbing my shoulders and squeezing, Dreu came in from the hall, with Augustine close behind.

"Hey, what's up." I asked.

"Just got back from the counsler's office. They put me in Anatomy!" So begins the first real conversation of the school year.

"Why?"

"I don't know, that new counselor won't let me switch out! I took chemistry last year, so I don't know why they're making me take this class!"