Fyi. This book starts off as a Grayson fan fic but will vv soon change to an Ethan one, that's all, continue..
Rose Welson
I did it, 1 full year without the love of my life.
I'll never forget about this day, the day I lost him.
I keep replaying the phone call I got when I was informed about it.
I just hate myself for not being there with him, Ive had almost everyone tell me it wasn't my fault, there was nothing I could do, or I didn't know.
But that doesn't make it better, I wasn't even there for his last few moments alive.
I just wish he called me that day. They said he would've had a chance to be alive if he got the help he needed, but he chose not to.
He was in a car accident, the person that hit him drove off.
He sat there in the flipped car for almost an hour, his phone was in his pocket.
A huge part of me feels guilty for not knowing he was feeling like this. Why else would he choose to die?
I should have been there for him, he seemed happy. But, by his choice I now find myself wondering if his smiles were all covering frowns.
-
I put my hands in my coat pocket as I walked the streets of New York.
It's dark out, probably too sketchy to be out here at this time. But I didn't really to care.
I found myself now seeing less and less people as I walked further.
I looked ahead of me and saw him...Grayson.
A smile instantly spread across my face.
"Grayson.." I almost said inaudibly.
He returned the smile and held his arms out for me.
I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around him, only to find myself tripping over air.
It was a hallucination. He's not really there.
I looked around panting, I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't fight them anymore.
Ive been having these hallucinations since the night I lost him.
He never says anything, just looks at me. They don't last for long at all. Yet I'm dumb enough to believe he's really there every time.
I stumbled over to the brick wall of a building.
I slowly slid down as I was now balling my eyes out.
I put my face in my hands and sobbed. As loud as I could, not caring if anyone heard me anymore. I'm done faking my happiness, I'm a wreck without him.
And I don't think I'll ever be able to live my life, without holding onto the hope that he's not really gone.
"What's a matter with you?"
I jumped a bit and slowly looked up to see an older man. His clothes were a bit dirty and looked like they were the only ones he had.
"Just a bad day." I wiped my tears away and sniffled.
"You sure? That cry seemed like you've been holding it in forever."
"I'm fine, I don't wanna rant about my problems." I mumbled.
"C'mon, it's always good to let things out."
I looked up at him unsure, but he nodded for reassurance that it was okay.
"My boyfriend..he um, died. About a year ago now..today was actually the day."
"Oh man, I'm so sorry.."
"It's okay, there was nothing anyone could've done."
"Seems like there's more to why you're crying."
I sighed, "You're going to think I'm crazy. But, I keep having these hallucinations..like I'll see him and when I reach for him I feel nothing but air."
"Does he talk to you?"
"I wish." I mumbled.
"I have something that can help you see him, and talk to him."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "That's impossible, what is it?"
"Drugs." He shrugged.
"Oh no, as much as I'd love to see him I'm not doing drugs."
"They're not as bad as you think, think of them as a sweetener to your life. You seem to still be having a hard time after a year without him, and you wanna see your dead boyfriend, right?"
"A sweetener? It all sounds too good to be true."
"Find out for yourself." He spoke as he handed me a pill bottle.
"Wait, how do I know you're not just trying to kill me or something?"
He chuckled and looked down,
"Ive been using these to see my late wife, for years.""You've never been with anyone else?"
"I couldn't move on from her, I loved her way too much. Using these makes me feel like she never left."
"How does she feel about you taking them?"
"She was skeptical at first, she wanted me to live my life. Kept saying she was holding me back, but I proved her wrong."
I nodded and bit my lip as I looked at the bottle.
"I'll try."
He smiled, "You'll love them."
YOU ARE READING
SWEETENER // E.D
Fanfiction"Think of these as your sweetener to life. You want to be able to see your dead boyfriend, right?"