Diary Of An Archaeologist - Wattys 2019 Non-fiction Winner

That Time I Was Accused Of Being An Illuminati

This story also takes place during my first internship, with my Egyptology friend, Michael. As I explained in the previous chapter, I mostly helped him sort out the Egyptian collection for the new exhibition.

Well, the day came that this exhibition would be opened, and some lady from marketing had made a promotional competition for kids between 6 and 10, who could win a special Ancient Egypt tour through the new exhibition. It was a cute idea until she came to me to ask if I could give the tour.

Let me clarify, I'm not a teacher. And although I like kids, giving me responsibility over more than three at a time is a disaster waiting to happen.

But she assured me that these kids are really interested in history and the tour would be easy, plus I got to wear a gorgeous Ancient Egyptian costume. I was sold once she mentioned the dress, I mean, who doesn't want to dress up like an Egyptian Queen?

So, on the opening day, I was dressed as Queen Nefertiti and I got ten adorable kids under my wing. The tour through the exhibition was an absolute breeze; the kids were very interested and knew quite a lot more than I anticipated.

In the last room of the tour, I turned around to find 11 kids looking up at me. A little boy, he was probably 7, had joined the group and listened with bated breath to my story.

This isn't unusual at all, a lot of times random people will just walk along and join you if you're giving a tour, or they will just listen in to what you have to say. And honestly, the kid didn't bother me, he was quiet. And since it was the last room, I figured his parents were closeby.
Well they weren't. I ended that part of the tour ready to guide my kids to the dress up room where they could take photo's as a pharaoh, and the boy was still following me.

So, I got down to the boy's height and asked him where his parents were. Before the boy could even answer, a woman stormed up to me yelling, "How dare you touch my child, you pedophilic, Illuminati bitch!"

For context, at that time I had worked part-time in retail for several years. I had dealt with entitled costumers plenty of times. I had been called a bitch almost as frequently. But being called pedophilic, for just tapping a child's shoulder to get his attention baffled me. I could barely fathom what she said to me, so I just replied, "are you his mother?"

"Yes, now give my baby what he wants," she demanded.

Once again, I was at a loss for words. How did she know what the boy wanted? I didn't even know what the kid wanted. What if he wanted some 1200-year-old dagger or play with a mummy, was I simply suppose to give it to him?

But because of her yelling, the boy was now crying his eyes out, and she looked at me like that was somehow my fault.

"I think he was just looking for you, so I'm glad he found you. Have a nice day," I concluded hoping she would leave it at that. I opened the door for the other kids, but this woman was still staring daggers at me.

"Why can't he go with these kids?"

I calmly explained to her that these kids had won a promotional competition, and the price was this special tour. She just yells back about how she wasn't informed of any competition, and demanded that her son partakes in the tour as retribution.

By now, all the other guest were staring at us, and I apologized, saying I wasn't allowed to do that and asked her politely if she would please lower her volume since she was breaking the museum's rules not to mention disturbing the other guests.

"I don't have to follow any rules," she spat in my face.

At this point I've had it with the crazy lady. There was clearly no way I could reason with her, and I was the only thing standing between her and the kids. Luckily, I spotted one of our security guards rounding the corner.

"Just keep your cool a bit longer, back-up is coming," I thought as I put on my best smile and asked the lady once again if she would please lower her volume or I would have to get security.

"Don't tell me what to do, Illuminati bitch. Who the hell do you think you are?"

The guard was now standing right behind her, towering over the woman, but she still didn't see him. Knowing that I now had this lady cornered I stood tall and announced in my most regal voice, "I am Queen Nefertiti; Great Royal Wife and Mistress of Upper and Lower Egypt."

The sheer amount of confusion and astonishment on this ladies face was priceless, but it got even better when the guard chimed in, "You heard her royal majesty, madam. You'll have to leave, now."

He escorted the mother and her son from the museum and I resumed my tour with the kids.

Within minutes both Michael and our Marketing colleague came to check on me and the kids. Turned out that at the entrance the lady had made even more of a ruckus, arguing with the guards, resulting in her being banned from the museum entirely.

Luckily, my group of kids was fine. They had seen what went on, but hadn't heard all the swear words that lady said through the soundproof door. They were just gushing about how the queen had protected them from a crazy lady, and had a lot of adventures to share with their parents. Who were all very thankful towards the museum for protecting their children.

As for why that lady called me an Illuminati bitch twice, well, Michael and I speculated it was because of the large Eye of Ra that was the centerpiece of my necklace. We guess she didn't know what it was, and associated it with the Illuminati symbol.

A/N: Thank you for reading, if you liked this story don't forget to vote. Your stars brighten my day and night. ⭐

-tomorrow I'll tell you about that time I was locked up with a creep. Who said archaeology was a safe job?-