Healing

Part 1

Do you ever wish you could make the tears go away? The worries? Or even the paranoia? Do you ever try so hard to erase a memorie but yet it just wont go away? Do you ever just wish things could have been different? I do.

You see I was molested at a very young age, as far back as i can remember it started when I was 6 years only. And I can remember this because I was only 6 when we lived at the first two story house on lake mead. I was so little so innocent yet my innocents was taken from me so early. Why? I ask. What did I ever do? I listened, I was a good girl, my homework was always done on time, I did what was asked without hesitation. So why? I wasnt suppose to learn how a dick felt yet or how even one looked like or felt like. What did I ever do to deserve what you did to me? I wasnt supposed to learn alot of the things you did to me or showed me. I was only 6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14 and 15. Yet I had to just be quite and take it. All because I was young and afraid. I was alone, sad and angry. I felt disgusted, nasty and useless. No one around to tell who would believe me who could help me who could get me out of this nightmare I was living. For so many years I was humiliated, betrayed and ashamed. For so many years I thought about ending my own life just so that I could leave from the fear from the monster who destroyed me. I didnt want to live anymore. I just wanted to leave the pain I was feeling. For so many years I was afraid to tell anyone. I had already told my mom once but not even she was there. I had no one until I was 15. I didnt care anymore who would end up hurt. All I knew was that I was done. As long as I didn't have to see u again or fear u again I could tell anyone. So I did.