A Funny Thing Happened

Louis pt. 1

The day was horrible for a wedding.

Let me rephrase that: 

The day was horrible, period. 

I won't get into many details as to why everything in my life was complete and utter trash, but you'll have to know the essentials.

Let's start with my background, if you will. 

I was sloppily conceived into this lousy world by a wannabe midwife. Her name was Genevieve (very extra, I know) and she had the I.Q of a balloon animal (more on that later).

Supposedly, I had and I quote, "the exact same nose as Elvis Presley," but even that didn't stop my mother fro-I mean, that didn't stop me, from being the charming little angel I am today. 

Woah, I almost told you an important detail which wasn't at all wanted. 

Moving on.

Growing up, my family and I weren't necessarily the wealthiest neighbors around, but nor we the poorest. Oh wait, we were. 

Upon saying that, we were in desperate need of the 'ole spondulicks, which meant that everybody in my household had to find some way to earn money. 

Even five-year-old Louis, who had no clue what poverty was. 

Nevertheless, my parents assigned me to help around in the local library. This included me putting on puppet shows every Tuesday and helping the librarians re-shelf the books. 

It was actually pretty fun, and the pay wasn't bad either. 

I made two whole dollars a week. 

How much did you make as a naive five-year-old. 

Yeah, exactly. 

That was my life up until three weeks ago, when my mother announced something that would end up breaking everything I've ever known into tiny minuscule fractals (more on that...later).

Now we're in the present, where I've gotten a new job being a boy maid (manservant, whatever).  

I can't say I'm excited to clean up after some prissy-sissy, but it's unfortunately an upgrade money-wise. 

Who knows, maybe I'll be able to butter up my bosses enough so that they just pay me to watch television. 

Ha, what a nice unachievable dream.