I'm Not For You

I'M NOT FOR YOU

"So beautiful the moonlight is tonight!" I said in my heart. Exact already 2 months I finished my drama with him. I play the song in my playlist. I listened calmly and the song continued. One spinning song that knocks my heart, the song is "I'm Not For You (Aku Bukan Untukmu)" from Rossa. This song is like telling my life drama. I understanding the songs in each verse, I imagine and I relate to my story.

And I remember that time, when he expressed his feelings to me, for a weeks he waited for my answer. I consider him a friend. He is Reza. He always takes care of me, protects me, cares and always asks my friends about me. I still cannot accept, for several reasons. I am still confused to decide, because I know it will eventually be like this. Like couples who are dating then break up and disappear somewhere. Besides that, he is a boy who is liked by my close friend, Mika. I don't want to make the wrong decision and causeing this friendship to break down.

One night, he invited me to meet at Love Bread's, a bakery frequented by young couples. I know the reason he invited me to that place. At that time I sat with him only with a piece of bread in front of us that Reza had ordered before, but I was just silent even though I still couldn't find the meeting point in my heart. I don't know what happened to me, for a long time we were friends and together, for the first time my heart beat faster than usual. I try to normalize each of my actions in front of him, but my whole body felt very cold. Until he started our conversation.

"One week has passed, right?" He said with a typical smile, a smile that made my heart suddenly freeze when I looked into his eyes. His sharp eyes also looked at me which I didn't understand what that meant. I am a shy girl, which makes me feel like I am bound by a very strong rope and I can't do anything. How not, Reza's charm made everyone jealous, because of my closeness with the light in my school. Reza is the star at my school, he is a smart and very multitalent boys especially with his melodious voice. He is also religious, kind and friendly, unlike other famous people. How can everyone not be crazy about him? Whereas I am the only ordinary student at school, in this position what should I do and what should I say.

"Yes" I replied, turning my face away from his gaze.

"So, how about that?" Ask me hopefully

I started to regulate my breath, trying not to be weird to start my explanation to him.

"Honestly, actually I also love you. But I'm more comfortable if we just like this. Being a friend, that's enough for me "I tried to explain to him slowly.

His expression changed instantly to flat after hearing my explanation.

"I understand what you feel now. We are indeed friends but can't we make this relationship more than just friends? For this time I tried to understand. Try to think once again, I will wait for you until whenever you are ready for it, "assured me with a forced look and smile.

"Yes, I hope I can do it. I know you love me and I love you too. But does someone who loves and love each other have to be dating? What is the status of friends is not enough, if we are more comfortable like this? And moreover you know, my friend Mika also loves you. I don't want this friendship to be destroyed because of my decision. " with a nervous expression I tried to add my explanation to make him understand.

He looked into my eyes and brought his face closer.

"Maybe, but a friend has no right to own it. Only feelings that can be had. And when you are close to other men, I am hurt while I have no right to forbid you. I have no right to protect you more than a friend. "He said very slowly and pulled his face.