The Loyal Playboy // kaisoo

1. about me

i don't see your support? show me, cupcakes. enjoy.

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"My name is Kim Jongin. However I prefer to be called Kai, because my real name reflects the nature I possess deep inside, in my opinion. Kai sounds manly. At least I guess so. I've always considered myself as a straight man, however, the person I truly love doesn't belong to the opposite sex. Kinda stupid, isn't it? Anyways, this is something platonic. I don't desire him sexually, maybe sometimes..but it is followed after these butterflies I get in my stomach. More like chemistry, not physics. I'm sorry, am I being clear?"

"Yes, Mr Kim. Continue"

"Okay, where was I..Yeah, I date a lot of girls. At the same time. I dump them. Some of them go on with their lives, some of them go through depression. What is worse, though, I don't just break up from boredom. I try to hurt them, their feelings. It's a big pleasure for my ego. Everytime he makes me sad, I make sad someone else. I'm being a mess.."

"Can you describe the person you love, give reasons why you do?"

"Hahah, don't even get me started or I won't shut up".

"Mr Kim, I'm your psychologist. You have to release your inner self and feelings to me. We have plenty of time, besides"

"Well..I made a list of these "why"s in chaotic order. Actually I like every single thing about him but his homophobic attitude whenever i try to confess to him"

"Well, first of all

I love his smile.

This is the best thing about him. Everytime the corners of his mouth curve into smiles, his pearly wide grin showing up, I feel that this is so sincere and amazing. He never ever is hypocritical, so his smile is full of happy feelings.

Then comes his voice.

That voice like legit could melt anyone's heart. He's a vocal coach at the art school but I believe he deserves way more recognition with those abilities and soulful voice.

His eyes.

They are so huge, I nicknamed him "Owl", but his eyes are always mesmerizing in a way that they only reflect truth and innocence and simplicity. They are warm at the same time.

Next thing, Care.

He never fails to deliver as much care as needed even though you don't ask him to. Sometimes..or even mostly he knows what I need more than I do. He always makes sure I'm not hungry or ill. We've lived together for nearly eight years, and he says he'd easily recognize me in darkness by a single touch.

He's responsible.

Whenever you ask him for something you nearly never get rejection. He could restrain himself from something but if anyone else needed it, he definitely wouldn't say "Tf, I'm not doing it for myself, how come I do it for you then?". No, he puts others higher than himself, my hyung isn't selfish at all.

His sense of humor.

Being so calm and serious doesn't make him lame since he gets every single joke I make, or turns it even funnier. We never get bored with each other.

And the last thing, which is of the most importance: Tolerance.

I know how nasty I am. How I disgrace others easily and hurt them, but he never left me. Damn, we've lived under the same roof for years.

So basically these are the main reasons why I love my hyung and think about him 24/7".

"Yes, Mr. Kim, you're pretty much in love".

"Hahah, sounds like a diagnose".

"Can you imagine being with that person throughout your lifetime?"

"Yes, I do? Actually it's pretty hard to imagine since he doesn't even leave me a single glimpse of hope for our future"

"Could you marry Mr.Do one day?"

"I feel like we're already married but it's platonic, no sexual intercourse or even kisses on cheeks. However, we're used to each other even more than to our family members".

"Okay, Mr Kim. I dare to conclude that you should try your best to move on. Since human nature is given maternally, so it's not up to him whether to be anything but a straight man".

"Yes. I understand. I hope you're gonna give me some suggestions on how to move on".

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heheh. hows the book? btw, it's angsty..thanks for your attention so much!