Receiver

Opening my Eyes

     I felt my heart beating fast, I felt small. I didn't know what was going on around me, but I saw a lady. The same lady who I'd be with for years, and who I am forever grateful for. 

     [I could only see in black and white, the stories she told me. I wonder what colors she lived her experiences through.]

     I loved that old woman so much, I loved her dried up, rough, tan skin and the braids she never failed to wear daily. Her long, thick hair was to be cut later in her lifetime, but I didn't know any of that would happen. All I could think about was how I could help her, because she gave me everything. 

     I was a happy baby, even though I always felt like someone was missing; but my mind could wander and forget because mama Rose gave me enough love for hundreds of people. She spoke to me in a language that I deemed strange, and that no one in my school that I'd later attend spoke, other than the janitor. Her name was Renee. Oh yes, my school days, they were rough but I will never forget them.

     I had a pair of sandals, and a pair of shoes that made my toes hurt, but I never told mama Rose anything. I saw myself how she woke up everyday at five A.M. and something inside me just didn't feel right about telling her that my shoes were starting to fit a bit too small. 

     I'll never forget the pretentious people who I attended school with. Whenever mama Rose came to pick me up from school, they would laugh and say, 

     "She's not your mother. Look at her, she's morena and your skin is like milk. Your eyes are so light, too. You don't have a mother." they would laugh at mama Rose. I didn't care how I felt at their ridiculous, false comments. All I cared about was the look on mama Rose's face. She looked so sad and I could not allow anyone to make her feel that way. As if their comments weren't enough, one of the boys from my school took it upon himself to wet my only pair of shoes with his pee, and that was when I'd had enough.

     I took off my shoes and threw them at his face. I was short, but I wasn't going to let this tall boy get away with such a thing. I knocked the air right out of him with my fist and once he was on the floor, I sat on top of him and scolded him, 

     "If they didn't teach you how to respect a woman in your home, I will." I punched him with both hands until his nose began to bleed and then I stopped. What had I done? No, what had he done? Did he know how hard mama Rose worked for my shoes? Did he know the people she had to put up with everyday at work? His shiny, brand name shoes only made me angrier. I stood up and spit on his face before walking away and crying my eyes out in that bathroom because of how embarrassed I felt. Why were the people here so rude? I didn't want to act the way I did, but I couldn't help it. 

     "Jane Bulaon, to the office, now." Oh yeah, the boy I had beat up, his face looked a lot like the principal's.