Falling Dreams of Fang Hua ✔

Chapter 061

Only after we were parted did I understand the pieces of Shao that was Shao Hua.

In an instance of spring, the trees bloomed with youth. Yet while Shao Hua remained the same, Fang Hua was already...

Dead.

—

The Memories of Fang Hua

—

Shao'er, from the first time you called me master, I learned how to care about humans. You were very noisy and clingy so that I never had free time. Whenever I tried to paint, you'd get ink everywhere before standing there, all dirty and guileless, wearing a foolish smile. Once when I was playing the qin, you actually made no fuss. Instead, you carried over a basin of water to wash your hair by my side. I was astonished and ended up looking only at you. My hands brushed tunelessly against the strings without forming a song at all. I was thinking then, how my Shao'er had grown up and matured. And yet the next thing you did was fling back your wet hair to splash me all over. As a result, I broke the strings of the qin, but all you did was look at me innocently.

Sometimes I couldn't help but think that you deserved a beating[1].

But I've never hit you before. In the end, I grew to like it when you occasionally came to sprawl lazily over my knees. Shao'er, you should know that I was never lonely when I lived by myself. But after you left, I'd lean against the yellow grave mound and watch the sun while time passed...

Han Zichuan said I shouldn't keep you tied to such a little house, but let you live normally. I didn't understand how normal people lived because I'd isolated myself from them for too long. My memories of that world was of a lively, prosperous place, filled with all sorts of emotions and desires, permeated with hurt and betrayal. I didn't want you to get even a little hurt, but to stay with me instead...

Every time I saw you squatting on the ground, hugging your knees as you propped up your chin with one hand. You'd listen with wide eyes as Han Zichuan talked of the bustling marketplace with its acrobat shows, candied hawthorn skewers and the free and unbridled spirit of the jianghu, all with a yearning expression on your face. I'd been stunned. Maybe what he said was right. He understood you better than I did because I was just a Beast, an animal that didn't understand emotions or desires.

The first time you requested to go down the mountain, I consented with a smile. I dug around my robes before giving you the copper coins I'd gotten for selling my medicines. When you left, I sat idly in the house all night until next morning, when you returned with Han Zichuan. You were in high spirits as you told me about the Lantern Festival,tangyuan, lanterns, and answering riddles...I only listened quietly with a slight smile. In the morning, I made your favorite lean meat porridge and specially delivered it over. At the breakfast table, you nearly buried your head in the giant bowl to slurp it all up like a little pig. Your eyes then were curved like crescent moons, filled with merriment. Later on, they grew gloomy.

You dawdled for a while before saying sorry, because there were only two pennies left after buying candied hawthorn skewers with my copper coins. Then you dug out the coins from your pouch, still warm, and placed them in my palm. My heart trembled as I took them back.

Sorry...your first time going out, master should have been there to let you eat tangyuan, buy lanterns, and get anything else you wanted. Yet I couldn't give you any more...

It was my first time feeling powerless.

Seeing Han Zichuan messing up your hair, you grinned foolishly before starting a fight with him. I felt that the two of you were growing closer and closer. Shao'er, you should know that I felt a strange feeling then, one that I hadn't felt for a thousand years. You said you'd definitely make me happy, even if it cost you your life. Master was very happy...