Half a Heart

Chapter 1

Authors note: hi guys I'm maggie and I'm super excited to be writing this story BC my love for Troye and tyler is a little excessive I thought this would be perfect.. don't be afraid to comment or leave suggestions. I hope yall enjoy! so without further ado I give you .... half a heart (a Troyler fanfic)

troyes POV:

I look down at my wrist my scrawny useless wrists with those little faded pink lines haunting me reminding me of what I once was and the monster I've been battling for most of my life. My eyes dart to the mirror in front of me I examine myself; my face with my birth mark prominent today, my hair slightly curly from just getting out of the shower, down to my collar bones jutting out like the petals on a ceiling fan, mine down more to my stomach with my ribs the outline visible though my very pale skin, my skinny legs, knobby knees, ugly ankles, I hate how skinny I am, I hate everything, I hate myself. I pull my necklace out from under my shirt, it was just a simple string with a razor from an old pencil sharpener strung through. I slowly remove the string from around my neck and bring it to my wrist. one for the guilt of hating myself, a self that over a million claim they love, two for being different, I am gay, I like boys, I'm a boy, who likes boys, I've learned to accept that aspect of my life but I just wish I could be normal. three for good luck. I look down at the red liquid seeping though the thin skin on my wrists and go to work making the marks deeper, wider, longer, the pain felt good, I love it it gives me a sense of belonging it gives me me a feeling, helping me show emotion, a verb I haven't been able to perform in what seems like ages. I look back at myself in the mirror and I start crying, I shouldn't have done that I shouldn't have wasted my time painting my skin with feeling I shouldn't have created a work of art im going to have to dedicate more time to hiding, I don't have time! I'm a fuck up, "GOD DAMNIT TROYE WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID" I whisper yell at myself. this was going to be a long day, I get days like this sometimes but they haven't been this bad recently. I just call them sad days, a sad day is just one of those days when you dont want to think you don't want to move you just want to lay in bed and cry and bathe in your own self pity. but no not today, there's too much to get done.

I clean myself and head over to my desk to Skype my best friend he always knows how to cheer me up. "Tilly" I squeak as he answers "I've missed you so much" I finish as I look at his beautiful features taking everything in. his ocean blue eyes and his bubble gum pink lips adding color to his already flawless tone. "troyesivan.. babe.. I've missed you too.. what's wrong?!" he starts then he must have noticed the splotchiness of my face or the bags under my eyes. "nothing" i state looking at my beautiful best friend on my computer screen. "troye your lying to me" he starts. I sigh. "I know you better than this troye" he finishes as I take my turn. "Ty I'm just sad I don't know why I just look at myself and all I see is hate" I start as I look at him "I hate myself tyler I don't want to but I do and it's crazy to think that so many people "love" me when I can't even manage to love myself" I finish as I start crying I cry looking into my computer screen. "I love you troye" he says sending the ever familiar butterfly's to my stomach and turning my knees to jelly, I know he meant it just as a friend but something about this boy really sends me over the edge. I sniff and look back at my camera "I love you too Tyler"