District Nine

Young Wings

Even if I'm bad at it,
I like the word beginning

~

Felix carefully felt around between the green leaves and scanned the bush for berries. It was still relatively small. After all, it had only been about a year since he had planted it, but there were already berries growing on the thin branches. They were small, perfectly round and sweet. So juicy that they already left red stains on Felix's fingers when he as much as brushed past them. They had not changed at all. But everything else around them was now different. The leaves of the bush were suddenly a vibrant green. No longer grey. And they grew wildly in every direction. Back then the hedges had seemed like walls to him. But this one lonely bush that he had grown from a handful of mashed berries in a clearing of the forest reached his branches into all directions eagerly. As if it wanted to reach out its arms to explore and touch all the life surrounding it. Felix never cut anything off. He didn't have to. When leaves dried up they just fell to the ground by themselves and the weak branches broke in the same way. All dropping and then rotting on the ground to turn into fresh soil that would give energy to the remaining parts of the bush.

Felix himself had also changed. The sun had made his hair lighter and his skin darker. And it had dotted his face with small spots. At first, he had not even noticed them himself. After all, it was rare for him to actually come by a mirror these days where he could get a clear reflection of his face. Jisung had been the first one to bring the dots to his attention. He had compared them to the stars. Later someone else had told them that they were actually called freckles and that the sun was causing them. Or something like that. But apparently, they had always been on Felix's skin. It had just taken some sunlight for them to actually bloom and become visible like this. Yet Jisung continued calling them his face stars completely unbothered by actual explanations. Felix had found a more fitting comparison for himself though. They were sprinkles of red berry juice. Fingerprints that another hand had painted onto his face with loving touches. But he kept that comparison to himself. The others always reacted so... cautiously when Felix as much as mentioned Changbin's name. As if he had dropped a glass and the others now had to tiptoe around the shards carefully.

They had not found Changbin in that night. Not a trace of him even though they had searched the whole forest, turning over everything they could. It was almost as if he had never really been there to begin with. Minho and Seungmin had even walked back to the edge of the forest, dangerously close to the dome, to look for any trace of their lost friend there. But they had also returned empty-handed. Felix had only been told about all of this days after it happened. Apparently, he had more or less broken down after Chris had picked him up. Not physically. But his mind had just completely turned off, leaving his body on autopilot. He still remembered being dragged through the forest by Chris. He had clung to his hand as if his life depended on it. And after that, the same thing seemed to repeat again and again. Felix was clinging to someone's hand and followed the others that dragged him along. He barely noticed his surroundings. He remembers them talking to him again and again. But he had never been able to reply anything. Even when he had opened his mouth, not a sound had escaped him. He did try, but the words had always gotten stuck in his throat, trying to choke him.

Felix could not really say anymore how many days it had been. But one morning he had woken up feeling thirsty so he had asked Jeongin – the closest person in sight at the time – for a sip of water. The younger had immediately pulled him into a tight hug and started crying.

After that things had started to get better but also worse. The others had become incredibly cautious around him. Even though they were grieving over Changbin just as much, they were all busy trying to console Felix. Even though they had known him longer. Had probably been closer to him. Had made more memories. And yet they all treated Felix's loss as if it was somehow more significant. Worse, more tragic and more painful than what the rest of them were feeling. Felix himself wasn't too sure about that. Then again, it had also taken him quite a while to even realise his loss at all.