Broken

Chapter 5 - Longing

"Darya? It's Tom."

I heard a knock on the door. I stayed where I was, fixed to the floor as if someone had superglued me into position.

"Darya?" He repeated my name.

I hated my name. I had heard it so many times from Steve's mouth that day that I hated it. I couldn't stand being called that anymore, a name I used to love so much because it brought me so much closer to my mother.

"Please let me in." Tom tapped the door gently again.

I couldn't speak. The memory of the day's events were flooding my brain. I heard Tom sigh, and heard him sitting down outside my door.

I made my way over to the door, sitting against it. I could sense he was doing the same on the other side.

I couldn't bring myself to open the door. I knew he never meant for Steve to find me, but I couldn't help but not trust anyone.

"Darya, I don't know if you can hear me, but I want you to know I'm not moving until I know you're ok. And I want you to know that the police have locked that animal away, and he'll be there for a hell of a long time.

"He's never gonna get near you again, D. I'll make sure of it. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. I'm so sorry."

I could hear it in his voice. He was crying. But for some strange reason, I still couldn't allow myself to open the door.

"It's not your fault, Tom." I whispered.

"I promise, D. I'll never leave you again." He obviously hadn't head me.

"I know, Tommy." I whispered, longing for him to hear me.

"D?" I could hear him sitting up.

"I'm here, Tom. I'm here." I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Darya, can you open the door?" He asked hopefully.

"I can't Tom. I'm sorry." I cried, my head in my hands.

"Don't apologise. It's ok, I understand." He slumped back against my door, accepting defeat.

"Come on, Darya! Just jump! It'll be ok! I'll catch you, I promise!"  Tom laughed as I stepped back from the edge of the rock.

"There is no way in hell I'm jumping down there!" I laughed.

The Hollands had taken me to the beach for the day. Steve hadn't come home that night, or morning for that matter, and it was a Saturday, so we all packed into the car and headed off.

The boys had cilmbed up some rocks, and were jumping off them into the sea. They convinced me to climb up with them, but were struggling to get me to jump.

"Come on, Darya! Just do it already!" Harry groaned, throwing his head back impatiently.

"Harold Robert Holland, if you dare rush me ever again, I will rip your head off your neck." I laughed, knowing fine well how much he hated being full-named.

"Woah, Harry, mate, you're in for it when she finally gets down here!" Paddy snickered as he watched me struggle to get to the edge.

"Darya, it's absolutely fine, come on." Paddy may have been my second favourite Holland, but he was trying to stiffle a giggle as I climbed back down the rocks, heading towards the beach towels we had laid out on the golden sand.

"I'm going to tan instead. Sorry boys!" I laughed as they raced back to the shore.

"Spoil sport!" Tom ran up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, picking me up and spinning me around.

"Hey! Let me go!" I giggled as he gently lowered me to the ground, turning me around to face him.

"I love you Cookie." He grinned as he brushed a loose strand of hair away from my face.

"I love you Tommy."  I laid my head against his shoulder as he pulled me into a hug.

"Oh just announce your relationship already, will you?" Sam nudged Tom as he wandered back towards our little spot on the beach.

"Fuck off, Sam." Tom laughed as he took my hand guiding me towards our tanning spot.

All these memories came flooding back as I sat with my back to the door. I heard Tom crying on the other side of the door.

I tried to tell him to come in, but it was as if I had lost my voice. I couldn't speak, couldn't make a sound.

I struggled up from the floor, levering myself with the door handle. I opened it slowly, hiding behind it. Tom's eyes met mine. He could see how bloodshot they were from crying, my cheeks stained from my tears, my face red and puffy.

"Can I come in?" He asked, speaking so gently I nearly started to cry.

I nodded, signalling for him to come into the room. He stepped in quietly, standing awkwardly at the door.

I mustered the strength to tell him to sit down.

"I know you're hurting. I can't imagine how much pain you're in, but I know it's there. I know it's not going to go away soon, and it's going to take a long time to regain your trust, and make you feel better. But I'll wait for you. I'll be right by your side the whole time. If you don't want to talk, that's ok. If you only want someone to sit with, then that's also ok. I'll sit with you as long as you need me to. I'll wait for eternity, Darya." He spoke softly, his eyes locked with mine.

"Why do you want to wait for me, Tom? I'm a mess. I'm never gonna get better. I'll keep hurting you, like I did last night, if you wait. I'm not worth the wait. I never will be." I stuttered, barely keeping it together.

I longed for him to realise I wasn't worth the wait, but at the same time, I willed for him to say the exact opposite.

"You are, Darya. You're so worth it. I will wait forever, if it means you'll let me love you."

"What?" I looked at him in shock, my eyes wide open in confusion.

"I love you, Darya. More than you'll ever know. And I know, you trusted me before, and you were hurt, but I promise, and you can believe it or not, I understand if you don't, but I promise I will never, EVER, let you out of my sight again. I promise-"

I cut him off by pressing my lips against his. I had longed to experience love in a way I had only imagined, and the thought of Tom being that person made me begin to believe him again.

"I believe you, Tommy." I whispered, breaking away from his lips.

"I love you so much, D."

"I love you too, Tommy."

My longing for a love, real love, had finally become a reality.