» ashton irwin imagines [english]

» two || sad letter to ashton

message/letter to ashton. it doesn't make sence at all. but... it is what it is. maybe u can identify with "this" girl...

this 8tracks list fits. it's not mine. but thanks to the person who creatied it. 

http://8tracks.com/ky-gatlin/depressed

~

hey ash it's me.

i know u'll never read this. of course. 

but i feel a bit better when i can write it. (okay it's a lie. i don't feel better at all)

it doesn't change anything. maybe that i blurt it out in some way.

ash?

i'm a bad person. 

i know it.

everybody says it.

i dissapoint people. my friends. my family. especially my mum.

my mum is the most important person in my life and i always dissapoint her. but... but... she hurts me too. she says things that... 

now i think it's good, that u won't read it. cause i'm... pathetic!

it doesn't matter what she says.. cause ... it's right.

i never give her omething back. 

i'm a selfish person. definitely. they say.

and then they tell me how annoyed they are, cause i don't tell them anything about me. didn't they say, i'm selfish? should i now talk about me?

ashton? i'm confused. and i feel alone. my heart is ... breakin'

and... 

ash? i did it again. don't be upset. 

i was clean for month. but now i did it again. i selfharmed me. i'm weak. pathetic. useless. and i'm sorry for writing this shit to u. it's not so much. and not deep. but i did it.

and i'm crying. crying for being a bad person.

the cuts feel good beyond my fingers. they feel fresh. different to my scars. they can't be seen easily. 

now there a new ones. u hate me right now too. don't u?

i know u do. who wouldn't?!

it's cold in my room, but i don't actually feel it. it doesn't matter at all. the cold in my room fits to my heart, 

it's cold, they say.

but they are wrong. it's not cold. it's just closed and broken. like me.

nobody will ever like a broken girl. there's the next problem. i just need somebody. 

somebody... like... you....

sometimes i think that u could like me. allthough i'm broken and cutting myself. 

but.... it's just an imagination. a stupid one.

a very stupid, pointless one.

i'm sorry.

ashton? i'm sorry for writing this to u. 

thank god, u won't read it anyway. there are many messages u get every day. every single second of this fxcking life.

sorry for .... being .... me