The Days Of Our Lives

Chapter 1: Elysian Punks

I hated this.

I hated grabbing my guitar. I hated looking at the crowd in front of me, because I felt that similar anxiety, the anxiety I had felt so many times, so many times that I should have been used to it.

I hated this.

I looked back at Achilles, our bassist, who was smiling and holding his black bass, and our drummer Cairo. I smiled at them and looked out the window. Screens were lined with our faces. An advert for a phone was playing on a billboard just outside.

It was still strange, watching adverts with us in. We began to watch it. I was on a train, Achilles 'undercover' on a bike, and Cairo in a taxi.

No, it wasn't me, it was the superstar Lucas Carson, not the true, real me.

It started with a blank shot of a town, then 'me', and Cairo running from a bunch of girls. We ran and fell down. Then, it cut to Achilles calling us, saying something like, "I'm safe.", then a show of the phone with stuff like 'More security. More safety.'

It was strange, seeing 'my' deep blue hair on a billboard.

I might sound a little odd about calling myself a celebrity, yeah?

That's because I never wanted to be famous, I wasn't wholly honest to my fans, I tried, but it's impossible.

The view that the world has of Lucas Carson as a rebellious, romantic, sarcastic, happy celebrity is wrong. Really, I'm scared, anxious, a little rebellious (guess they got that right), and paranoid of everyone, except for the guys.

That's what happens with fame, you can't trust people. Old enemies come from the woodwork and say crap like, 'Oh, me and Lucas were great friends!' you remember the pain they caused you, the breakdowns and self hatred, and you fall back into it. It's a sinkhole of pain.

The pain never quite ends. When more people you would be hurt by would talk to the press about, 'How great friends you were' it never stops, and I would kill for it to be all done.

And you can't read the self hate. You can't tell it from interviews, concert bootlegs, or anything.

But, there I was.

Billboards were emblazoned with our logo of a black crow with our name, 'Too Late', on the bottom in glitched text. The stars were washed out by neon signs. It was rather beautiful, to be honest.

"Five more minutes!" Our manager, David Wright, called.

David was unique, tall with long blond hair and heterochromia in his eyes. One blue and the other brown. He looked more like a celebrity then all of us.

I looked outside.

"Lucas!" Achilles cheered out,
"Almost ready!" I pulled my patched leather jacket on.

"4 more minutes!" David yelled.

I took a deep breath.

"3!"

I smiled.

"2!"

"1!"

"Let's go!"

We walked out onto stage. Then I went into a daze.

—————

"Thank you New York!" I chimed before playing the last song of the night.

It was our song 'Here Again'.

At the end of the song, a cheer hit me and the daze ended. I took a shaky breath and hid it with confidence. People were cheering, lights were flashing, and I was panicking, for no real reason, may I add.

Once we got backstage, I asked, "How many people were there?"

"Ninety thousand." Achilles looked exhausted,

I froze.

"What?"

"Yeah."

"Not including the couple hundred, or thousand, people camped out," Cairo turned, his aqua blue eyes looking out in exhaustion, "so yeah."

My sight was hazy, but I smiled.

"How many drinks tonight?" I asked them,

David sighed, "I'm driving, I assume."

"Yeah, that cool?"

"Sure."

—————

Cairo was drunker than all of us. He had almost died at least twice before we decided, hey, let's not die?

Yeah. It was awful. I vomited outside of David's car, at least.

I don't really remember what happened during the ride, but I woke up in my bed. Ah, at least I was done for... three days. A tiny oasis in the desert of daze, stage fright and feeling, Oh crap, tonight's the night I have a breakdown on stage.

I was happy alone, I didn't mind isolating myself. It was comforting, a silent loneliness and melancholy, yet it was nice, a bittersweet moment.

I smiled softly at my phone, notifications from fans and friends. I smiled truly and gladly. I was happy here. Warm, comfortable and quiet. I was happy and calm.

Panic finally wasn't there.

In fact, I was happy. I loved playing music, entertaining people, making them all happy, but I hated stage fright. That feeling in my stomach, when I would wait backstage. That was the thing I hated. I loved performing, but my heart beating out of my chest, I hated that. My mind would race.

My life was spirals and I wanted it to be a line.

But a line of life is rare.