The Red Regret {On hold}

One

Taking everything out of my locker, I shoved them in my backpack as it is probably going to be my last day here. Not that, it is last for everyone but for me it is.

Today I submitted all assignments and completed my notes to study for exams that are due in the next two weeks so there's not much left to attend school. Thanks to Sir Joseph that allowed me to leave early.

I zipped my bag and walked out of the hall in hopes of finding Selena to let her know that I am going but it looks like I won't be able to. Luca and Selena have the same classes. Guess they will figure out or I'll text them.

Ops... I forgot my phone at home.

Well so much for being a responsible and sensible girl.

After notifying the school office, I decided to use my dear legs as it's still early and there is no one to drive me. Aunt Laila or Luca usually drives me and Selena home. Well, it's only 15 minutes' walk to my home plus the weather is not too hot & sunny. I will not be a sweating mess in the end.

If I was in my normal mental state, I would have been walking like a happy freak and flipping hairs like someone who just won a million dollars in the lottery.

Like a madwoman in love. Like a leaf in the wind.

Later was fine but the former phrase? Madwoman in love? Where did that come from?

Anyways,

I just do that because I love the way sunshine makes my brown hair appear red and shiny.

But, nothing is normal like it used to be. Neither my circumstances nor my mind now. I am dragging my feet with a gloomy face as my heart is constantly aching with the dreadful anxious feeling that something is going to happen just like a bad omen.

It's right that there are not four but FIVE seasons and the fifth one is the season of the heart. No matter how pleasant the weather or the outside scenery is, the real feeling of heart will always overpower it.

I am having this stomach-churning feeling but I can't pinpoint why. Pa was doing good in the morning when we talked at breakfast and I hope he is well. His sickness is the reason why school allows me to leave early sometimes.

I am not on a way to a house where a sweet mother will be cooking with annoying siblings running around and my father will come back from work and promise our happy family for an outing on weekend. Sound like old traditional family goals but that's what my heart yearns for.

No, I am not a pessimist l but life has played well with me too.

I live with my grandfather, who can't be more good. He did everything he could to give me a "NORMAL LIFE".

Well, Normalcy is an illusion. MY DEAR MIND REMINDED ME.

But still, how can one's life be absolutely normal without parents and a complete family?

What if I have parents? a sibling or two? a bit more family? Such thoughts always invade my mind but I am an expert too in forcing them to the back of mind and chanting "thanks" to God for what I have.

At least, I am with a blood relative, unlike some children who live with foster or abusive parents.

I covered a few lanes and shops came in view. I waved to Marlin, who smiled and waved back while putting a sign outside her medical store.

It distracted my mind but not for too long and soon demons started whispering again so I quickened my pace.

My loving grandfather whom I call Pa treats me like a daughter instead of a grandchild and now the thought of his illness which is slowly killing him is enough to shake me to the core.