I walk by the train tracks with Will, allowing myself to look over at him every now and then. Sometimes I catch him looking over at me too, I feel a tingle down my spine whenever he does. I'm not sure where these feelings came from. But all of a sudden, I feel myself blush every time he looks at me. I feel a twinge in my chest whenever we touch, whether by accident or on purpose. And I long for moments like these, when I'm alone with him. When we can just talk, without any interruptions.
I bite my lip and look over at him again, and my stomach flips as I look at him. He looks so... sad. His eyes seem to be full of tears, and he looks down at the ground, sighing softly.
"Hey," I say gently, breaking the silence, placing a hand on his arm. "Are you okay?'
He looks up at me suddenly, like I've shocked him, and then he forces a smile at me.
"Yeah," Will whispers, obviously lying. "I'm fine. Thank you for asking, though."
"Are you sure?"
He opens his mouth to speak again, probably to lie again, but before he can, he gives up and shakes his head, looking down as tears spill down his cheeks. In a sudden panic, I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly, relieved when his arms wrap around me in return. He lets out a small sob.
"I... I'm sorry."
"Shh... shh, it's okay. Shh...." I rub his back in a comforting circle, and wait until he stops crying. Even then, I hold onto him for a few moments longer before pulling away to wipe the tears gently from his cheeks. My hand lingers on his cheek, and he doesn't complain. "What's wrong?"
"It's not important," he sighs, and starts walking again. I walk beside him, a slight frown on my face. "I was just... thinking about my family."
"Do you miss them?"
"God no," he almost spits. "I mean... I miss my sister. But my parents...? No. They don't care. They never have."
"Will....?" I ask gently, promoting him to go on.
"I'm not good enough."
"What?"
"I'm not good enough. Not for my family. They want me to be all perfect like my sister. Nothing I ever do is good enough for them. They didn't even want me in the first place. I'm not good enough for anyone. Not for Dauntless..." his voice trails off towards the end. "... not for you..."
"Don't talk like that," I whisper, tears filling my eyes. "You are good enough."
He stops suddenly, and looks at me for a long time. I stop too, holding his beautiful, intense gaze. We're silent for a while, and then he moves closer to me, wrapping an arm around my waist. I feel my heart thudding in my chest, and my breathing becomes heavy. He leans in, and presses his lips against mine. His lips are soft and warm, and even though it only lasts a moment, it's the best moment of my life. He pulls away before I can even wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back.
"Chris? Don't tell anyone about what I told you. Please."
"I won't. I promise."
"Thank you."
"Will..."
"Don't. I'm sorry. I just.... I love you. I know you'll never care about me this much... But..."
I smile at him as he says it. We say it to each other all the time, meaning as friends, of course. But lately, I feel like my love for Will goes so much deeper than friendship.
"I love you too. You know that."
"I didn't mean it like that, Christina," he says, his voice barely a whisper.
He looks down again, and I lift his chin gently and kiss him. He sighs softly, and his hand tangles in my hair as he kisses me back. It lasts longer than before this time. Will pulls away and rests his forehead against mine, his eyes still closed.
"I didn't either," I say softly, cupping his face in my hands when he doesn't reply. "I mean it, Will."
"Do you...?"
"Of course. Don't you believe me?"
"It's hard to believe that someone loves you when no one else ever has."
"Don't say that. I hate to think about you being that sad. It hurts me."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
He pushes me away and starts to walk off, increasing his speed as I try to follow him.
"Will. Will, stop. I love you." I try to grab his hand to make him look at me, but he pulls it away, starting to sob again.
"No, you don't. No one does. I'm... I'm nothing."
"Don't say that, Will. Don't ever say that to me."
"I don't see the point in anything anymore, Christina."
"Will!" I cry out, taking hold of his hand and holding it so tightly I know he won't let go. "Will, focus on me. Please, focus. I love you. I really, really love you. And you're a wonderful person, no matter what you think about yourself. I don't want to lose you. Ever."
"I'm tired, Christina. Of everything."
"Let me change that," I tell him gently, and then I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him towards me, pressing my lips against his, and smiling against his lips as I feel him kiss me back. This time, he doesn't pull away. He just keeps kissing me, holding me tighter with each second. I only pull away after a while to catch my breath, and then I smile softly at him. "Do you believe me now?"
He nods, and gives me his first genuine smile today.
"Thank you."
"Come on, you don't need to thank me for loving you."
I kiss him again, and I know I've made him feel better, and that he'd do the same for me if I needed it.
I just hope we'll always have each other. I don't know what I'd do without him.
A/N; So its been FOREVER and I'm sorry but here have some feels *shoves feels at* bye!
