I've been mad
I've been that last percentage of soul
where you feel part of a mind shared by two people.
I severed connections like nerves
each burning into numbness like they do
Numb so much I became foul
skipped showers became skipped meals
I was a freak but a damn good one
Since childhood I was told to do something great
I was mother's dream child.
Teenage rebellion came hard like famine
I tore away the parts of myself I was proud of
I wore layers of masks so that when
people picked me out and tried to reveal my face
they would only ever get another mask
Actually I'm sure I had several midlife crisis's
before I was old enough to drive.
He, the man I am, The man I hate,
he said write me a story
I wrote on notebook paper the echo of a movie
I had seen it the previous week
I wasn't born with creativity,
I think somewhere between the overflowing rivers of chemicals
in my brain I found a piece.
Nothing original, truly original was made on purpose.
I walked the beach I use as the metaphor for my past
as my chemical imbalance ocean raged
Washed ashore was a mistaken gleam of self clarification
I was disgusted, shut out
I was a quarter of nothing but still had the two sides.
I self medicated to sleep away the years between my birth and death.
I become friends with a shot of sanity
I was ready to binge like the madman I was.
Shot after Shot, needles, my best friend
I was ready to be normal now.
