Black Boy's Lament

9pm August 17, 2018

The wind whistled in my ears as I rode my bike down the block. It was 8:57pm and I had another 3 minutes to get in the house before Mama locked the door. My heart was pounding in my ear and I was dripping sweat. When I rode past Ms. Rose's dog at 8:59 I knew I was running out of time. I kicked up the speed when I reached the end of my block and jumped off my bike, nearly falling off. The porch creaked under my weight while I reached out for the door handle praying it was still open. I saw a flutter of the curtain and knew I was too late, I looked down at my watch and it was 9:03pm.

"Come on Mama! It's only 3 minutes" I sighed knowing I was in for an earful once she let me back in. There was still no answer.

"Please Ma, I was just down at Mike's house playing 2K" I kissed my teeth, already frustrated because the long day was taking its toll.

"A nuh every pan weh knock" I cut her off because I'd heard it a million times.

"Okay Ma, It won't happen again. Can you just open the door. Please?" There was no response but I heard the locks start to click. There stood my Ma, Gloria Clarke, looking at me with her stern face, though her eyes were smiling.

"How many times do I have to tell you to be back in this house by 9pm. It's bad enough you missed dinner" she sighed. I dropped my bag in the hallway and followed my nose to the kitchen, my mother not far behind me.

"Sorry Ma, I lost track of time" I said as I wrapped my arms around her and put my chin on top of her head.

"You think you a big man now since you going off to college. Try remember that I'm still responsible for you until your 18, and even then, your my one eye." She stepped back and walked towards the pot with a plate in hand. She shared out some rice and peas and a healthy serving of curry goat. I pulled out a seat at the table and took the time to look around the kitchen. It was like Ma surrounded herself with things that reminded her of home. There were the beads by the door, the roosters of top of the counters and of course the Jamaica map key holder hung by the back door. The kitchen smelled of pimento and and detol mixed in with childhood memories. The beige linoleum tiles, although faded around the edges, were so clean you could see your reflection. The fridge was covered in old school projects and half used boss revolution calling cards.

I then turned my gaze to my Mama. She was a petite woman at only 5'4 but her personality more than made up for it. She kept her long curly hair pulled back into a neat braid that she unraveled every morning before work. Her chocolate skin had a healthy glow and her cheeks were slightly flushed from the heat of the kitchen. She placed the steaming plate in front of me before she turned to put the food away.

"I'm gonna go eat in the living room with  Pops" She looked at me but didn't say anything so I guess she was allowing it this time.

As I walked into the room I heard " breaking news today 19 year old Raymond Clark was shot at the Four Corners convenience store after a confrontation with local law enforcement.." The details faded to the back of my mind as I looked as my dad called out to me.

"Wassup youngin" He dapped me up then moved over to make some room beside him.

"Nothing much Pops, you know, just living life."

Everyone says I look just like my dad with my mom's hair and coloring, and I can't lie, they're right. My parents always joke that I was just my dad's clone and Ma faked the pregnancy. Looking at my dad I saw the same strong jawline and green eyes I often say in the mirror. When he stood up to grab a beer out the kitchen, I realized again how tall he really was. Standing at 6'3 with caramel colored skin covered in tattoos. Years of working in his construction company had added lean muscle to his once slender build. I looked over at my own arms, checking if those hours in the gym with him were paying off.

"You looking swole boy" Pops said taking a sip of his Corona before dropping back into his seat. Not long after Ma came back in from the kitchen and folded herself into my dad's lap.

" So how's my boy doing?" Ma said as she reached out and held my caressed my shoulder.

"Not too bad, you know just studying for finals and getting ready for graduation stuff"

She smiled at me and said "My baby is so handsome, just like his father" before she kissed my dad. I started scarfing down my food because I could already see where this was going. They were in the corner whispering to each other when I finally finished my last bite.

"Let me get that for you Desmond" and she started to get up from my dad's lap.

"That's Ma, I think I'm gonna head up anyways. Me and dad gotta hit the gym in the morning"

"Ok sweetheart, goodnight" Mama curled further into my dad's lap, going back into their own world.

"Goodnight son" Pops through out, but I could tell his attention was already elsewhere.

"Love you guys" I said as I headed up the stairs to get ready for bed. The day had already been long and I wasn't sure if the pain in my body way from my growth spurt or the morning workouts. As I continued towards my room in a trance, I pondered the days of the past just as much as the days to come.