Bestfriends (First Time) || Jensoo

Under My Skin

They didn't really talk about it, but Jisoo had never really expected that they would. It just wasn't who they were. That wasn't how they were with each other. The morning after their abortive dalliance, she and Jennie had a stilted conversation over breakfast, in which Jisoo repeatedly reassured Jennie that everything was going to be okay, and then they parted ways.

On the day of her flight, she somehow expected that Jennie might make an appearance at the airport. She checked for her time and again, but there was no sign. As she reached her gate, she received a text saying, Call me as soon as you land. I miss you already. So, she called. It was short but awkward. She was missing Jennie with an almost physical pain, despite everything that had happened, and didn't want to admit it, while Jennie felt abandoned, so her side of the conversation bristled with hurt and raised defences, which didn't really help matters.

Once in New York, Jisoo found that she wanted to tell Jennie everything, every little detail that occurred in her daily existence, but the time difference never seemed to work for them. Jisoo developed a close relationship with Jennie's voicemail and answering machine, while Jennie constantly forgot about the time zones altogether and called late at night - her time - when Jisoo was already asleep. It wasn't that they stopped talking so much; it was more that they had fewer opportunities to talk.

The part that Jisoo had thought would change - how deeply in love she was with Jennie - actually got worse at first. Absence, it seemed, did make the heart grow fonder. Without the real Jennie there, it was easier to maintain a 'good parts' version in her mind. Her better qualities became enhanced in Jisoo's memory and the flaws seemed smaller, less important.

For a while, she constantly reappraised her decision not to have sex with Jennie. She obsessed over whether it might turn out to be her only chance and that she would forever regret turning down. But her heart told her that the loss would have been even greater if it had happened. It would have been a regret of a different kind, one that they would possibly never have been able to get past. That didn't mean, however, that she was beyond wishful thinking or that there wasn't a part of her that didn't think that maybe - just maybe - it would have been worth it.

The more time that passed, though, the more she became convinced that they had done the right thing. It was proving hard enough for her to get over Jennie as it was. No matter how hard she tried, other women seemed less beautiful, less outspoken, less interesting, just... less. She could only imagine how even more difficult life would have been if she'd had that particular standard to compare potential girlfriends to.

Jennie came to visit a few times during her first year, but it wasn't the same. She seemed ill-at-ease out of her natural environment: the winter was too harsh; she hated staying with Kyla; Jisoo never wanted to party; she didn't get on with Jisoo's roommates or friends. Jisoo suspected that the real issue was that Jennie wanted Jisoo all to herself, just as she had been used to back in LA, and fate always seemed to conspire against that.

When Jisoo didn't go back home that first summer, Jennie was hurt. She didn't say it outright - God forbid she should ever reveal her weaknesses out loud - but it was obvious. Under the circumstances, further drifting apart was inevitable. The calls and texts became less frequent. They occasionally caught up via instant messaging, but the impulse to talk just grew weaker. Days became weeks and then months.

So, when Kyla called her to invite her to her engagement party, it had been six months since she'd seen Jennie in person and over two months since they'd talked on the phone. Kyla had warned her that Jennie would be there - she and Jisoo talked often enough that Kyla knew how things stood with them - and said she would understand if Jisoo didn't want to attend, especially as it was being held at her fiancé's parents' house in Bridgeport, Connecticut, and guests would all be staying under one roof. Jisoo had reassured Kyla that she wouldn't miss it for the world and that there was no issue with Jennie at all. She had even agreed to attend a day before the main party for a considerably smaller gathering of what Kyla called her 'bestest friends'.