cheerleader-ethan and emma

chapter twenty nine

emma's pov:

"jodi dropped the case!" lisa cried, clapping her hands together.

i smiled and felt happy tears pour out of my eyes. ethan wrapped me in a quick hug and smiled widely, his teeth poking through an attempted closed-mouthed smile. grayson sighed and stood inert in his spot, probably scared i was going to freak out or something.

i suprised him and myself by running towards him maniacally and flinging myself into his open arms. he didn't stumble when i threw my entire body weight on him.

he simply chuckled and rubbed my back, whispering another love you em into my ear.

lisa and sean smothered me in hugs and many kisses to the forehead.

this moment in my life felt fabricated. i never expected to have this kind of support system.

lisa hastily lit the poorly placed candles and gave me one last peck to the cheek. lisa and sean insisted that i "make a wish" despite it not being my birthday.

they told me it was my day. they promised to never let me leave them in between bites of the delicious cake.

i happily licked the buttercream frosting on the cake and turned to ethan, noticing his hazel eyes clouded with lust and admiration.

i smiled and reveled in the moment until i remembered what i was keeping from the boy. it felt as if i was trying to swallow a brick. i'm a virgin. he probably is going to break up with me and my dumbass.

by prolonging the truth, i was just waiting out the inevitable. yes ethan loves me. i get that.

but will he love me once he realizes i don't have much to offer him?

after being friends with him for a large portion of my life, i know him and his brother like the back of my hand.

i had seen them with many girls, all of them a thousand times better than me in every aspect.

so, the reality of being friends with the most attractive males in the state of california, and looking like i do, caused for some heavy insecurities.

i was constantly assessing if i was good enough. now, with my ugliness and my virgin status, i don't have a fucking chance.

i should just tell him.

after we finished celebrating i excused myself to get ready for bed. i languidly took a hot shower, trying to steam away my problems. i spent an unreasonable amount of time lathering shampoo and conditioner into my hair.

i finally stepped out and shivered from the change in temperature. i wrapped myself in a fluffy robe and threw my hair into a towel wrap.

as i padded back to my bedroom, i considered not even telling him. the irrational part of me thought that he would never know. maybe he didn't even want me like that. you're overthinking this.

i pulled on some sleep clothes, and without another thought, i walked to ethan's room. i felt myself trembling as i got closer. this was it.

i softly pushed open the door and found the room unoccupied. the rush of the shower water told me where he was, however.

i sat on the familiar bed like a fucking weirdo, running over every scenario in my head. at some point i became so lost in my thoughts that i was staring directly at the bathroom door.

ethan mindlessly walked out and jumped a little when he saw me sitting on his bed.

"em, what's up?" he asked as he rifled through his closet.

i shook my head quickly as he turned away from me, clearing the fog in my brain.

"uh- can we talk?" i said, my voice wavering from nerves.

he frowned and dropped his towel, revealing his bare ass. he carelessly slipped on some boxers and chucked on a white cotton tee.

i gulped, peeling my eyes away from his ass. i guess he feels really comfortable in front of me.

"what about? is it something i did?" he asked, plopping down and laying his back on the bed.

i wrung my fingers together and suddenly grew interested in the heather grey of his comforter.

"no." i whispered, feeling my eyes start to sting from the impending tears.

"because if it's about pressed... i didn't mean to overstep or anything i just really like you- no i love you and i get kinda caught up in that sometimes i guess." he rambled, his eyes flickering across my face to gauge my reaction.

we sat in silence for a few seconds. i heard the pattering of the water droplets from the shower.

i sucked in a sharp breath and raised my head to look at him like this, possibly for the last time, depending on his reaction.

"i'm-." i tried to say, but my words got caught in my throat.

i peered at me in anticipation and tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth.

i decided it was time to rip off the band aid that was preventing me from fully enjoying my time with ethan.

"i'm a virgin." i whispered, afraid and utterly alone.

his face softened and he sighed, almost as if he had been expecting this.

"emma." he said, smiling lightly.

here it comes. he's going to break up with me.

"i can go." i said abruptly, shooting up from the bed.

"hey wait, don't leave.... are you embarrassed?" he asked softly.

i nodded my head slowly and bit my lip. great, the entire school is going to know now.

"you don't- it's not embarrassing, em. i don't mind, really. i know you might have this misconception of me that all i want out of you is sex or something....which is ridiculous, considering you're so much more than just a body.

my eyebrows shot up in surprise at his genuine attitude and mature words. he cringed, probably taking my surprise as doubt.

"fuck- i didn't mean it like that," he continued. "your body is amazing emma, there's no doubt about that. but that's not what is important to me about you. you have this fucking amazing personality. you're quirky and sweet...and everything i want for my future." he breathed out.

i started to sob. the overwhelming emotions were both a reaction to his unbelievably kind words, but also to the fact that he mentioned a future, with me.

"oh shit. fuck. i'm sorry if it was something i said..." he trailed off.

i flung my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. he really doesn't give a shit if i'm a virgin or not.

"mph!"he mumbled from me suddenly kissing him.

i pulled back and smiled, tilting my head to the side to get a better look at him. god he was beautiful. i don't know how he even likes me.

he tucked loose hair behind my ear absentmindedly and gave me a quick peck on the nose, causing me to scrunch it slightly upon contact.

"god you're amazing." he mumbled under his breath.

"eth. i um. thank you, really, for not like dumping me or something?" i stated, my awkwardness settling in. "i know it's kinda weird and all but after what happened with my dad..." i blurted, then quickly sealed my mouth.

fucking hell.

"what happened with your dad, emma?" he asked, taking my hands in his larger ones and meeting my eyes with an intense gaze.

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