LOOK AT ME PLEASE

plaintive

trigger warning-self harm

i don't want to disappoint you taehyungie

i would rather die than have you upset at me

i'm trying so hard not to cut

but the thought of the clean metal blade only a few steps away is tempting me

why do i have to be so weak

why can't i be strong

why can't i be beautiful

why can't i be skinny

why can't i be like jungkook

why can't i be enough

i just want to be enough for you

for your love

i hate myself

i hate my wretched face

i hate all of this fat on me

i hate everything about me

but i can't say i hate my life

i have you in it

my precious taehyungie

my love

my beautiful angel

even though it hurts when i give you love and affection but only have glares and scowls returned

i still am so happy when you decide to spare a mere glance at me

why am i so twisted

everyone and everything is screaming at me to die

to kill my worthless self

but i just want to hear you

taetae do you want me to die

please say you need me

please tell me that

..that everything's going to be okay

please hug me

i'm so alone and scared tae

hold my hand please

i want to be found again

i want to be back in your arms

back to my home

help me breathe

you're the only person i love

the only person that matters to me

tell me that i'm not stupid for living

that you care about me

that you need me by your side

that you still think of me as someone important to you

is it only me taetae

am i the only one who feels a soft nudge in the heart whenever we're together

am i the only one who looks

the only one who's heart starts beating fast

the only one who's in love

i don't know why i'm asking you

it's not like you're gonna spare a glance at these letters

i don't know why i keep trying to make you see me

to make you talk to me

maybe i am blind

i'm blind to not see how you've long since stopped looking at me with those twinkles in your eyes

that you don't smile at me anymore

i want to run away and yet i still yearn for you

i'm a fucking joke

tae would you care if i cut myself again

would you even react if i die from bleeding my self out

I'm sorry for not being strong tae

i can't overcome it

i need to remind myself that i'm a mistake who's only bringing pain to others

i'm so sorry please forgive me