Close To Me

End

a c h e l o u s

I was happy back then, with her. Everything was close to perfect, until she ghosted me. I don't know the reason behind that, maybe she doesn't want me anymore, maybe I'm not enough. I don't know.

That's why I keep on asking myself, saan ba ako nag kulang? May mali ba akong nagawa? Why did she fucking leave me broken into pieces?. I love her so much, I gave her all of me, but in the end ako parin ang talo.

And the I saw ger again after 8 months. She's one of the people who will audition in our dance group. I was furious to her so I gave her low score even if she was good. But she still passed.

Matagal akong nagalit sa kanya, hindi ako nag practice ng ilang araw dahil sa kanya. I don't want to see her fucking gorgeous face, I don't want to be broken again.

Malapit na ulit akong mabuo, and then there she is napakita ng parang walang nangyari, like she didn't ghost me at all.

Kung maka ngiti siya ay parang wala siyang ginawa sa akin, na parang hindi niya ako dinurog.

That day when I was late in our practice, I was drunk that time. Gusto ko siyang ma solo kaya nag pumilit akong magpa sundo sa kanya.

And then I thought I can fix us again, but then nawala na naman siya ng parang bula.
Walang paalam bigla nanlang siyang hindi pumupunta sa practice namin. I always wait for her sa practice but she never came. After one week of not seing her one of her friend asked me to come with them sa hospital so I can talk to eli. I was confused.
Why the hell are we going to a hospital?

Regrets hit me hard. She is sick all this time. Hindi niya sinabi sa akin nung una dahil alam niya kung papaano ako mag rereact, she knows that I will freak out, mababaliw ako kakaisip sa kanya, na I will focus on her. And she doesn't want that kaya she ghosted me.

Babawi sana ako sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko sa kanya. Ibibigay ko sana lahat ng oras ko na hindi ko naibigay sa kanya dati. Sana mas maaga niyang nasabi na may sakit siya, dahil ngayon huli na ang lahat. Hindi ko na mabibigay lahat ng oras ko sa kanyan dahil wala na siya. Sana nandito ka pa sa tabi ko Eli.

Nandito na naman ako. I'm fucking broken again. It's her last day today. Ililibing na siya mamayang gabi.

"Hijo kumain ka muna, padating na 'yong pari, magdadasal na tayo bago natin ilibing si eli." sabi ni tita sa akin. Maga ang kanyang mga mata, I know that she's suffering these past few days.

"Sige po tita."

I always say sige pero hindi naman ako kumain, wala akong ganang gawin I just want to sit down and look at her.

She looks peaceful in her long sleep. I'm just happy na hindi na siya mahihirapan na labanan ang sakit niya. She's in peace now.

Nang dumating ang pari ay pinagdasal na namin si eli.

After a minutes of praying for her peace, the priest ask us if we want to tell something to her. It will help us move on easily daw, kapag nilabas lahat ng lungkot na nararamdaman mo bago ka magpaalam sa taong mahal mo.

"Elisha is a strong girl, she fought her disease for a long time. Lagi niyang iniisip ang 'yong kapakanan ng iba bago ang sarili niya. She always choose other before her. Ayaw niyang nakikita na malungkot 'yong mga taong mahal niya. She always choose to suffer by herself. And that make me sad, because I want to fight with her pero she still choose to suffer by herself, kasi ayaw niyang nakikitang nahihirapan ako, tayo.
That's why I really love her." pinunasan muna ni tita ang mga luhang lumalabas sa kanyang mga mata.

"Kahit na wala na siya ngayon, she will always stay in my heart." tumingin si tita sa pari at tumango.

It's really her last day, dahil mamaya ay nasa ilalim na siya ng lupa. She will not suffer anymore. She's at peace now.

I realized that even if she's not with us anymore I will always remember the way she love me, the way she care about me, the things that we did will always stay in my heart, she will stay in my heart. She will be always close to me.

The end.