Gnomey DIck

The tattooed cannibal

Summary: gnomeo and juliet are having marital troubles so gnomeo goes on a sea adventure and hears about a whale called gnomey dick from the captain of his sea voyage trip who also happens to be missing a leg which, you guessed it, was torn of by the stupid whale. So the captain, sherlock gnomes, wants revenge on gnomey dick. This is the story of their adventures on a boat, and how gnomeo eventually figures out things......

"How could you" Juliet gasps and tears are running down her face and i go to hug her but she pushes me away.

"I'm sorry, Juliet, but i think we need a break" i say to her. She starts crying harder and when i go to wrap my arms around her she doesn't even push me away.

" but gnomeo i love you" she cries and i pat her back because she has always been a little sensitive about things.

i hope that if im blunt this will make the coversation be short and sweet. "well i dont love you" i say this careful but truthful

"BEGONE THOT" juliet yells at me. she starts throwing my belongings at me so i pack them up really fast like sonic the hehog.

i give her one last look before i exit the door. im going to the bar because im mad.

when i get inside the tiny bar there is only one person there. its a very musculer man who happens to be very tattooed. he is lokking at me with hungry eyes. he is obviously gay. and i am definitlry not. right?

i go to sit next to him anyways because i need some male conversation. he starts the conversation with a statement im not expecting.

"i like snorting human flesh."

after a series of wretching sounds from me i say to him "well im not human, im ceramic so i cant help you."

"im ceramic too, which doesnt make it cannibalism, but i also like breaking off parts of garden gnoes and eating them too, which actually does make cannibalism but anyway do you wanna fuck?" he rambles 

"shit" i say "youre serious?" 

"absolutley" he says back to me. he then gets up and pulls me to my feet. he leans into me and our lips clash

"whats your name?" i gasp

he just keeps sucking my lips so i push him away. "you need to tell me what your name is" i say 

his voice is gruff  "i dont have a name." he explains "so i guess you can call me the tattooed cannibal."

he then picked me up by my legs and carried me up to a room.

yes, we had sex. yes he broke my leg off and smashed it into a milion peices. and yes he snorted it in front of me.

it was so romantic.

a/n: i dont know what happend but i cant turn italics off.