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TW: mentions of suicide
Jun's POV
"Jun, stop this shit right now." Saya's voice is tense but urgent.
"No." My attempt at sounding strong is pitifulat best. "You can't be here."
"What is she doing?" She turns to Marcus.
"Don't answer her!" I tell him. "Or I swear, I will jump right now."
Marcus turns visibly torn, his eyes going back and fourth between my sister and I.
"You need to leave." I say, for all that listen.
Saya furrowed her brows, baffled. "Why would I ever fucking do that?"
"Please, don't make this harder." I realize how dumb I sound the moment it leave my mouth. But to plead is the only thing I can do honestly. And if I am to die, I'll do it like mother intended me to.
"I'm not going to let you die!" She doesn't recognize me. "Get down, Jun. That's enough."
"I'm sorry." I hold on to truth, right around my chest. "I didn't want you to see this."
"No, Jun, stop." Saya freezes, hearing the undertone of my voice. "Why- you're my sister-"
"This isn't about us."
"Why isn't it?" Her voice drips with confusion and hurt. "All we had in the worst moments of our lives was each other. We held hands until eventually we got through it. But why aren't I enough now? Why isn't it about us anymore?"
The intensity of the ache braided within her questions catches me off guard. Saya was never supposed to be here, I knew I would never be able to do it if she was.
I wish I could share all my burdens with her. But as she said herself, it is her self-assigned duty to protect me. She would do anything and everything to fix things, and that is the last thing I want.
I've dug a single grave and I will not let it have Saya's name.
My hands shake from all the fear and pain that comes with what I have to do next.
"You left me, that's what changed." I want to cry, I want to apologize, I want to take it all back. "You left me there. With him."
"You chose to stay." She furrows her brows. "I asked you-"
I scoff.
"Ask me? You never ask me about anything." I don't sympathize with the bitterness that, now, holds my words. "You claim not to know when it stopped being about us, but it's never been about us. It's always been you. What you want, who you like, what you think it's right. The only choice I had was to either be on the run, leaving my responsibilities to the people I love, or stay."
