A Boy Named Harry

Chapter 11

PREPARE FOR FEELS -XOXO

            My first week of chemo had been awful, as I forgot how much the side effects got to me. So much nausea, so much fatigue, so much pain. It was almost as if the cancer had spread to every inch of my body and taken over. It was unbearable, and for Harry to watch me go through it was even worse. I never wanted him to see me in that position, in that state. But he wouldn’t leave my side. As much as I didn’t want him there I couldn’t be more grateful that he was, he gave me some strength that I didn’t know I had. Yet, somehow, he still let me be weak and vulnerable. I don’t think I had ever been so vulnerable in my life until he came along, he changed me.

            “Harry, will you still love me when I’m bald?” I looked up to him from my head on his chest.

            “Of course. Lou, why would you even ask me such a thing?” he looked at me with such confusion in his face.

            “I don’t know. Just wondering, I guess. I won’t look the same. I just thought, if I looked different you may not want me anymore. And it’s okay if you don’t. It’s better to leave now so you don’t have to deal with it when I-,” he cut me off.

            “Shh. Don’t you dare say it. Louis William Tomlinson, don’t you ever think I won’t love you, especially over your looks. I fell in love with you while you were sick, and I’m going to walk this out with you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life. Don’t you dare think different,” his face was full of anger rather than love. You could see he really wanted me to understand what he was saying, and I tried, but it was so hard. At this point I didn’t even love myself, it was hard to imagine someone so great could love me.

            “Yes, sir,” I giggled.

            He kissed me on the forehead and held me tight against it. He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand through my fingers. I wrapped my arms around him and smiled at his warmth and how our heartbeats matched, they were so fast when we were together. I moved my hand slightly to get more comfort when I felt something in his jacket.

            “Haz?”

            “Yes?” His eyebrow raised, but I could tell he knew what was going on.

            “What is this?” I sat up slightly from where I was to look him in the eyes. A huge grin corrupted his face and he reached into his pocket.

            “I wanted to wait until the right time, but you kind of caught me,” he pulls out a small box. My eyes widen and I keep going back and forth between looking at him and the box. “Louis, these past few months haven’t been the easiest, solely because watching you suffers absolutely kills me. But these past few months have been the happiest I have ever had,” he cups my face in his free hand. “You are my world,” tears consumed both of our eyes. “And I know you think you’re going to die, but I have faith in you. But if you are, I want to do everything I can to make the rest of your life perfect, and to make you happy. Louis, I want you. All of you, every single bit of you. Cancer and all. You are perfect to me. So,” his voice shakes as he prepares to say his next words. “Louis, will you be mine forever?” he holds the ring up.

            “Umm, wow. I don’t know what to say,” I really didn’t. I couldn’t help but stare at the ring and it’s simplicity. It really outlined my love for him, so simple yet so much meaning.

            “Well, I hope you say yes,” he sighed. I could see him shaking with nervousness and breathing heavy.

            “Honestly, I actually think I need to think about this. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. More than anything. It’s just, the idea of marriage is actually really scary,” I smiled lightly at him. Tears were in my eyes and I looked down at my hands. I had this amazing man sitting right in front of, asking me to marry him, even. Yet, I didn’t have the heart to say no. I tried to beat around the bush, but it was hard to look him in the eye. I knew I was breaking his heart, but I didn’t want to hurt him more than I already am. I didn’t want to break him more than I already will when I leave.