Time to Say Goodbye

Christmas used to be a magical time of year. It was mine and my dad’s holiday. Everything was decorated and the house always smelt like backing cookies. Then my dad left. I used to stay up late waiting to hear Santa come down the chimney. I had hopes that my dad would come through the door and make everything better. I had hopes that my uncle would return safely from the war in time for Christmas. Then I grew up, and I learned that Santa wasn’t real, that my dad was never coming home, and that my uncle would never be home in time for Christmas and that he wouldn’t return at all. I learned that no matter how much you wish and no matter how nice you are you don’t always get what you want, more often than not, you never get what you really want. I guess that’s something that everyone has to learn at some point in their life.

*****

Date: December 22, 2008

Birthday: December 25

Age: 24

The day started like any other December day. I guess I should have known something different would happen this Christmas. It felt different. It felt… well, it felt weird.

“Hey, what are you up to this week?” My best friend, Ami, asked as I walked into the school building. I was a world history teacher and this was the teacher’s last day before our winter break started, and I couldn’t wait for the day to be over with.

“Grading papers, grading papers, oh, and did I mention grading papers?” I replied as I continued to walk towards my classroom with Ami.

“Come on Jamie, you can’t have that much grading and there’s got to be something else you’re doing. I know you hate this time of year, but aren’t you going home to see your mom or something? You haven’t seen her in a few years.” Ami and I had been friends since we were in kindergarten and we had been with each other through everything. She knew everything about me and I knew everything about her.

“Nope I am sadly not going back to Maryland to see my drunken mother. I swear sometimes I wish she were the one that left and not my dad.”

“You don’t mean that Jamie, you love your mom.” I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at my best friend.

“You don’t know my mom, Ami. You had the perfect family. Your parents are still together and happy. You didn’t have to worry about your mom coming into your room drunk at night to throw up on you or beat you. You never saw that side of my mother. So, please stop acting like you understand, because you don’t.” I said and started walking to my classroom while Ami stood there stunned.

I got to my classroom, sat down at my desk, and started grading my student’s history papers I had them write before break. Some of my students understood why I was giving them the paper before winter break and some just really hated me for it. My theory was that if I gave them a paper before the break then I wouldn’t have to give them the paper to write over their break. I thought I was being nice, but I guess not.

A few hours later I needed a break from grading the papers so I made my way down to the teachers lounge so I could make copies of some work my students would have to do.

“Jamie, I’m sorry if I upset you earlier I didn’t mean to, but your mom might not have as much time as you think and you might regret not going to see her.” Ami said as I walked into the lounge.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that the hospice just called and your mom went into a coma. I’m sorry.”

“Ok.” I said as I gathered the warm copies I just made and started back towards my classroom.

“Jamie!” Ami yelled as she ran to catch up to me, “Stop trying to avoid this, your mom is going to die. Go see her.”