LA ULTIMA VOLUNTAD

MY LOVE!

I cannot composed myself when the love of my life was fighting to survive and prolong her life because she promised to her parents that she will only accept her death if before that happen she will accomplish one thing, and that is to get her diploma and deliver her speech for being SUMA CUMLAUDE of our batch.

I  do not know bakit ko pa siya natatagalan maybe she is my wake up call para sa lahat ng babaeng niloko at ginago ko, and I hate it.  She was diagnosed to have terminal lung cancer in short there's no way for us to escape it nor to prevent it. After knowing this two months ago, she planned everything as if she was just making a blueprint even the music na patutugtugin kapag lamay niya either Westlife Songs or BTS's Songs daw para sa pag-akyat niya the pain was a bit, lessen.

Our graduation came, I will never forget that indelible event, hindi ko siya iniwan nasa tabi niya lang ako always kahit alam ko namang ang relasyon namin ay walang label it doesn't mean na iiwan ko na siya.  When she woke up I am still by her side, napakaganda ng gising niya, mapapansin mo talagang ready siya and this is the day she has been waiting for since the day she started schooling yet I feel something strange pero hindi ko na lang pinansin.

Nung nagmamartsa na kami, the environment was so quiet ang gloomy,  napakalungkot different from the way I imagined it. As much as possible, hindi ko pinapakita sa kanyang nanghihina ako, I should not let her see and feel that I am devastated.

Her name was called as Sumacumlaude, the whole gymnasium was filled with applause at the same time weep and sobs. She was struggling to stand sa podium at hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na alalayan siya. I  was standing beside her, trying to be strong.

She started her speech with delight, 'Hey! Cheer up. We should be happy and enjoy this moment. Let us fill the corners of this gym ng kasayahan hindi iyakan. Wag kayong ganyan.' , she was trying to keep her composure,  but behind those ay mga traydor na luhang kumawala.

In between those cries, she continued, "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. That was one of my favorite lines, once you read it there is an assurance na you can turn those impossible to possible. Even it is really hard for us to attain , we only need to do is to believe  to ourselves that we can make it. Laban lang. To be honest, sa lahat ng pinaglaban ko, Ito ang pinaka-worth it kahit na wala namang magsasabit ng medals ko at makakakita ng achievements ko but that is okay ipapakita ko na lang sa kanila kapag nandoon na ako, because I am so close sa finish line magkakasama na kami. I am so proud to myself na I did it, I fulfilled my promise." At the midst of her speech mapapansin mo na nahihirapan talaga siya sa paghinga, non-stop coughing and wheezing.

We were shocked na sa huling  pag-ubo niya ay may kasamang dugo. We got panicked and the whole crowd was shocked,  our professor tried to call an emergency pero she stopped us from doing that yet we still urge to ask for help. Baka kaya pa!

Nang dumating ang ambulance, nagdarasal ang lahat na sana kumapit pa siya for the last time. When we were in the middle of going to the nearest hospital. May binanggit siyang mga salitang nakapagpadurog  pa lalo sa aking puso. Kahit hirap na siya she still take the courage to tell it while breathing heavily.

'Hanggang dito na lang ako hindi ko na kaya at least masaya akong mameet and greet sila mom and dad.' she stopped to grasp some air,  makikita mo talagang namumutla na siya. Then, she added weakly, "At sana sa pagkawala ko makahanap ka ng babaeng mas hihigit pa sa pagkalingang binigay mo para sa akin. I am not destined for you may mas better sa pagmamahal na kaya mo pang ibigay. Do not refrain yourselves  na magmahal at mahalin. I am sorry and... I love you.'

Right after she said those words, she gradually close her eyes as if she was just peacefully sleeping, unfortunately it was confirmed by the doctor when we get there na she was dead on arrival, right after hearing that it triggered me na ilabas lahat ng emotion na nararamdaman ko na matagal ko ng kinikimkim she died in my arms. Napakasakit! Patuloy lamang ako sa pagluha at pagsuntok sa  pintuan kung saan siya pinasok, wala na akong pakialam sa mga nakakakita ni-hindi ko man lang nasabe sa kanya ang  tunay na nararamdaman ko. Nagwala lang ako sa oras na iyon.

That was the day he fulfilled her promises and left us for good. The whole university  knew what happened to her, they make a tribute for her, and I am one of the person that would give a speech.

When I was about to open my mouth, I saw a lady crying carrying the picture of my love, and I was astounded sa nakita ko, she looks like a carbon copy of her.

And that was the time , I remembered her last word before she give up and it shivers me all over my spine.

"FIND MY LONG-LOST TWIN!"😢