BROKEN

three

"Nobody wants me; even myself."

I'm walking slowly and peacefully, not really knowing where to. It's a beautiful day, the sky is clear blue, not even one cloud is visible, the children are smiling and the birds are humming a catchy melody.

It all seems like a Disney movie.

It's on the other side of the road that I see him. Dark hair, dark eyes, captivating smile. My prince charming. He smiles and waves at me and starts to walk towards me.

As he's crossing the road to meet me, a speeding car passes and, in a tenth of a second, everything changes. My heart feels like it can burst out of my body at any second, my eyes widen and I am paralized in place at the sight of him lying on the concrete floor, blood covering half of his face. He just got hit by a car.

The car sped away, leaving me frozen and him passed out - if not dead.

"No," I think to myself, "no no no no!" No one can hear me and no one can help me.

I gasped and immediately throw myself on the middle of the road beside him and, with his head on my lap, I can't do anything so I scream louder and louder. "No! You can't just appear in my life, make it better and then leave like this! No, please. Do not die on me, please."

My words turn into messy sobs and I can't control myself anymore.

The streets just get busier, the dark clouds gathered and there is no hint of sun in the sky, the people start talking much louder, the buildings suddenly get twice as big and the air gets thicker.

I'm suffocating. I want to disappear. I want to be dead. Or for him not to be.

I wake up from one of the worst nightmares I have ever had. My face is drenched with sweat, clothes glued to my body. What kind of person has these types of dreams? I feel betrayed by my own, horrid mind.

With images of him lying dead in front of me still fresh in my head, I get up and apply cold water to my face. That has always been the best way for me to wake up.

I usually wake up two times everyday. (1) When my body starts functioning and (2) when my mind starts working. Sometimes I rush everything in the morning and my mind isn't even functioning like it's supposed to, yet I go to school. That's where all my shitty work comes from.

I quickly acknowledge that thinking about my dream was the stupidest thing I can do at the moment and I decide I'm going to take a walk on the park near my house. I'm not in the mood to see Zayn or to visit my parents. Funny how I think of him first, rather than my own mum and dad.

I throw on some black leggings, an over-sized white wool sweater, my black Doc Martens and my beautiful necklace I inherited from my grandma, who rests peacefully in a cemetery about 100 kilometers away from my house. I would visit her whenever I could.

Not really caring about how I look make-up wise, I put on my lovely denim jacket, grab some pocket money for cigarettes and my keys and I'm out the door.

Everything I need for school is kept in my locker, I just don't want to go through all the trouble of carrying the damn material back and forth.

"Shit." I think out loud. I have forgotten, once again, to clean up the mess Bell has made a couple of nights ago, the dangerously sharpened pieces of plates are still lying on my kitchen's floor. Waiting to be stepped on, I supposed.

I'm half way through the park and I see the most horrid thing.

A son of a bitch is trying to sexually assault a lady, not only using words, but hands as well. He is aggressively covering her mouth, so she can't yell for help, and he's trying to pull her into the bushes with him. I did the only thing I could do, which is NOT call the police.