It really doesn't get old.
No matter how much it happens, how many times aday you hear it nor how many times it will happen in your still unknown future. If you were lucky to live till then, that is.
You might be the coolest person ever. The one with the weirdest laid back personality and yet your whole will still be unfortunately affected.
My hands start shaking on their own as if the fear is embeded in every and each cell in my body without the brain processing what crises is happening to interfere urgently with reason.
It’s really like you are waiting for that aircraft's strike to happen, throwing whatever it's in your hands to cover your ears. Most times hiding from that forsaken violently anticipated, explosive blow under your blankets and closing your eyes tightly as if what you will never see will not be happening fir real.
Facing that everyday is terrible and psychologically exhausting. You put your head on a pillow listening casually to the night sounds like a tree swaying to the gentle breeze, or the sounds of the wind howling. Hell, even roaches' sounds are welcomed in such calm night. But then that sound of something quickly falling and the sound gets increasingly sharp, steadily accelerating and closing down on you is booming in your ears.
You could literally feel your heart jumping and hitting against your ribs.
Suddenly and unconsciously, you will find yourself clutching the blanket over your head, closing the ears to lessen the impact of the coming explosion on your ears, shrinking on your self waiting for the house to shake insanely violent any moment now. Your muscles are rock tense and you have this second listening to your heart beats louder and louder by jiffies passing. yet still after those harsh 1.3 seconds the realization hits to you...hard.
You realize in a bitter second that the terrifying sound was just a car passing quickly down the curb.
Still, after a few minutes later, you are yet again in that scary box...another time you hear it again, you believe it is happening for good this time again.
It’s a torture for real. It made me think deeper of what made me so afraid in the second place. Thinking about it, it was not dying itself that really frightened me to the core. You never really stop embracing the death angel in a battlefield. Actually death was the easiest thing not to fear.
It was the waiting for your turn to die that was nerve racking. In my mind, explosion sounds frighten me as any human being is frightened by a very loud truck horn.
And there is much more to that. Deep down I know that I, as any other soul, might face death while trying to cross to the opposite side of the street, might even meet the angel when an air strike lands on our unaware, sleeping neighbors.
Death will eventually come and we would know when it in that exact moment, however it is not known for sure if your journey just ends when dead. There's a possibility that you will really face your creator, every religion have a belief so it is a possibility.
What would I do facing my creator unprepared for my fate, will I have the thereafter I wish for or the thereafter that HE found me worthy of?
You might say that you don't believe in one god, creator or the almighty force that rules all the universal physical laws, but you not believing in something doesn't, in any way, mean that this thing doesn't exist. Moreover, what does a mere human with short life expectancy know for sure about the universe of billions years...we,humans, never know more than our assumptions about it.
The fact that I may go unprepared is the most shaking fact that hits me in the face every time I decide to go all out with my own selfish needs. You pass away and then what? Stay there regretting doing or not doing things you should have payed attention to!!!
No!
There has to be a good reason for people to be freakishly frightened by the idea of dying.
Fear makes me feel alive, fear is a feeling that motivates the instinct in you to react, adapt and survive. However, death should be appropriated in away, because you see people go and pass away like autumn's falling leaves but their only remnants are their deeds that carry on talking about them. A person is dead when they are not remembered.
So the fear of death is less rational than the fear of your unproven life after your death.
Good deeds makes you alive after the mourning period for years and maybe a generation or two. Might as well get the heaven you either believed in or never believed in.
But on the other hand, hell is also an uncertain possibility for others. Then again, I still am afraid to die burnt out in an other air strike, not ready to face the consequences of the life I led so far.
Sounds might frighten me now and five years ahead, but crossing to the unknown is the worst monster someone could face.
Wars rage on, people either die, or get wise... But no matter when the next explosion is going to be, our fear will be the corner that we lean on before we bounce back into life.
Fearful or not, we will stand strong. Because even the death angel, while harvesting our souls, the one who are really frightened of him is our enemy.
