Love and Hate

An Anonymous Gesture

I awoke in a familiar small apartment with a single couch and a TV that was so small that you had to squint your eyes to see the pictures on the screen clearly. A rows of books were neatly organized in two bookcases. Niall's apartment was homey and always had the smell of food in the air.

I could feel the pain in my hands and my nose, but I could not figure out why. I examined them, but they were covered in gauze. My view was hidden from the stitches hidden underneath, but my hands were not numb to the pain.

Niall entered the room with a cup of water in his hand. He set it down on the coffee table next to some pills and smiled. "Sleeping beauty is awake! Finally. You've been out for hours."

I forgot what happened, but the memories came back too quickly. I would've cried right then and there, but I had used up all of my tears for the day. The pain in my hands did not compare to the pain on the inside. I wanted Ashton very badly.

Niall noticed the uncomfortable silence and shifted. His smile was long gone and he was uneasy. He switched the subject, "You had 7 cuts on your hands. It took forever to get 'em to stop bleeding and get the glass out. My mom stitched you up, since ya know, they don't treat criminals in hospitals without arresting them anymore."

I had noticed one cut, but it didn't surprise me that I furthered my injuries. I had had worse injuries, but emotional pain is harder than physical pain. The nagging feeling hurt, but my heart would heal quicker than when Ashton left. That was for sure.

I noticed Niall refusing to meet my gaze. I wanted to ask him about the picture, but my throat burned.

"Oh! You probably need help for the pills," Niall quickly said. I nodded slightly. He scooped up the pills and sat next to me. He slipped the pills into my mouth and helped me hold the water as I downed it.

I felt helpless. It was unfamiliar to me. I always did things independent. Well, I have for a year and a half. The feeling was unwelcome. I was not a child who could not even lift a glass of water. It was pathetic. I did not like the pity in Niall's eyes. I wanted to scream at him, but I maintained my blank expression. Under my breath, I muttered a quick thank you and Niall gave a nod.

Niall studied me. He looked scared for a few minutes that I might burst into tears again. I really wanted to actually, but I had shown enough weakness for a lifetime. Niall was searching for my reaction. He didn't want to bring it up and he was reluctant to talk about it. I wanted someone who was willing to answer and who wanted to talk.

Niall broke the silence, "I have to head out in an hour for the Square if you want to go. Don't feel obligated to go. You are still hurt."

The pain was not unbearable and I didn't want Luke to pity me even more. Though, yesterday was another reason he babied me. I was disgusted with myself, but my memory of Ashton was more important than Luke's respect. It was not even a question.

"I'll go," I said hoarsely. "But, please remove the bandaging."

Niall hesitated for a brief second, but obliged. He carefully unwrapped the gauze.

I didn't meet his gaze as he did this and I noticed different clothing. My blood-stained clothing was replaced with a fresh set. I questioned Niall about it.

"Luke changed you after you passed out. He wanted to bring you to his house, but he has to figure out what happened and why they took the....never mind," Niall tried to explain, but his face was hiding something.

"What else happened?" I asked, nervously.

"Well...its like...um," Niall fumbled for words.

"Niall," I said low and angrily.