pretty

it felt like i had been running for days.
the sun had died and my shoes were filled with blood. i could hear myself wheezing as i gasped for air.
finally i could run no longer.
i collapsed on the cold, wet ground. her limp body hit the dirt with a thud.
i wiped my face with a muddy hand, only to notice the warm tears streaming down my cheeks.

in the dark, ever so freezing night, she looked almost as beautiful as she had, just over an hour ago.
almost as alive.

i remembered the way she moved. she was so very graceful. so flawlessly elegant in a way i couldn't understand. in a way i couldn't appreciate.

i remembered her voice. that voice, almost like a teakettle, sharp and piercing, yet somehow so melodic.
when she spoke, nothing she said was wrong. no matter how incorrect and rediculously ludicrous, how insultingly senseless it really was.

not only that, but i remembered her face.
her face was chloroform.
so horribly sweet, so wonderfully fucking horrible.
that face was enough to make any man dizzy. enough to make any man obey her every command. any man except me.

you see, i saw through her disguise. i could see how appalling, how incredibly abhorrent she really was.

maybe that was because i didn't think she was pretty. not one bit. i could not get behind why so many people were so crazy about women.
maybe i just couldn't feel. or maybe it was something else.

it didn't matter what it was.
because here she is in front of me. here she is, nowhere near as beautiful as she was before. here she is, painting the ground in red.
this bright red liquid.
you would never imagine it this way until you saw it yourself.
so thick, so dark, so red.
so incredibly ugly.

just like i told you.

she's goddamn hideous on the inside.

her pretty face lit up with red and blue flashing lights.
i knew what those lights meant.
they meant men in uniforms. men who wouldn't believe me about how ugly she really was. men who would take me away and lock me up, convinced that i deserved it. convinced i had done something wrong.

that's fine.

i'm too tired to stand up anyway.